E.

I am sorry I was so hard on you. It was not your fault that

I was thrashing in my cage, and that you were the best thing I had seen in years.

I could have been better for you. It was not your fault that my mother was right.

I am sorry I was so scared, buried in the darkness of myself;

I could have loved you better, tried to love you in the way

I wanted you to love me, but I was consumed by anxiety,

all my bones were broken, and they ached and splintered

when I tried to run to you.

I am sorry I tried to scar you. I bit my lips when all I wanted to say was

you’re so filled with light, I can hardly stand it, you smell like flowers and happiness and I am so consumed by hurt that I don’t know how to relate to you, but I really want to.

I am sorry I couldn’t express myself in other ways than prolonged stares and

text messages in the middle of the night. I am sorry I tried to pull you down

into my mud, into places where no air exists. You have a sun for a soul,

and I was drowning you in my oceans.

But I want to tell you that if you leave the light on in your room, I will leave it on in mine, and if you keep reaching out, I will keep coming back.