I Am Done

Dear cousin,

It had been months since your last text. Years since your last call.

I have always tried to keep in contact. Messaging you, writing letters but you are constantly busy. Out doing stuff, talking to your friends, playing with your family, etc. It is already hard enough with the time difference but adding in your busy life it is practically impossible.

On the rare occasion that I make contact the uncomfortable conversation is short, awkward and completely one-sided. I wonder if we ever had any actual bond. We used to be so close but now it is like you are an absolute stranger.

Honestly, I really miss you. I had desperately hoped that our separation wouldn’t change our friendship. I hope that when we see each other again we might become close again but I am afraid we won’t. We have grown up a little and grown farther apart. I am terrified that when we meet again, we will only be connected by blood.

Sometimes I wonder if I am just disturbing you. If you really want to be friends. You can’t blame me. All the effort is put in by me. I can scarcely count on one hand how many times you texted me first. I send you texts but you never answer. When we talk, I keep the conversation going. All you do is send your stupid “bitmoji” and one word texts. I am always racking my brain for things to say, things to keep the conversation going. Now I am wondering if I should just stop.

Why should I continue wasting my time desperately trying to connect with someone who doesn’t care. I am tried of texting you and never getting an answer, it feels so terrible. I am almost one hundred percent sure that you have forgotten you have my number. I have the number of one friend who I have only just met. She has other friends and stuff to do, but she always answers. She keeps the conversation going, she listens. I feel like I know her better than I know you, my own cousin.

Your forgotten cousin,

I am done.

PS I really miss you...