You're 1,000 miles away from civilization.

The fierce cold bites at your nose and makes every step a struggle.

A pack of wolves stumbled onto your scent and has been tracking you for days now.

Who knows how many days, they blur together in a fog of perseverance.

Just then, over the hill you see it.

A lone brown speck of a house in the middle of unending white.

And there's smoke coming out of the chimney.

You stumble down the hill, in a daze.

You clench your frozen hand into a fist and club the door weakly then collapse.

You hear the door squeak open and feel yourself being dragged into the warmth.

You wake up in a bed. You have no idea how long you've been asleep.

Days? Weeks?

Judging by how much you've defacated in the bed it looks like it's been several weeks.

In the other room you hear someone moving around.

"He... hello?"

"Oh hi, you're up!"

A woman with big rosy cheeks fills the doorframe.

"How are you feeling dear?"

"Much better ma'am, thank you. I'm s... sorry about the mess"

[You motion to the feces caked linens]

"No honey don't apologize for that. That was me!"

"It was...what?"

"Oh yes, I've been shitting on you while you slept. It's a compulsion of mine. It's why I've been banished to the middle of nowhere"

"You're..."

"Exactly, I'm Sally Shittington, I can shit through a screendoor at 20 paces"

"It's an honor ma'am. I've heard tell of you from the old folks. Is it true that you once shat out crude rollerskates and shitskated through the park, ruining everyone's outdoor lunches?"

"It certainly is true, son. Say, what's your name?

"Ebenezer Trump, ma'am. And may I just say that I think you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"Let's have babies and pass down your intestinal gifts to them"

"Yes, hopefully nothing happens where the shit would come out of our grandchildren's mouths or anything. Just out the butt, you know, normal style."

Perfect, then it's settled. Let's make love to each other in this shit covered bed and continue the esteemed Trump family line"

"Sounds good to me, but first be a dear and pass me some of that shit"