indifference

Only when steam encroaches upon

my reflection, do I undress

making a dirty pile of underwear

and esteem at my feet, this ugliness

just a sweating blur in the mirror.

I break a nail trying to scratch you

out of my naked skin

as I step into the shower.

Against raw wounds water is acid,

burning like your scathing indifference.

Just an hour ago,

I had put my hand to my chest

but before I spoke, you

just unbuttoned my Levi’s,

said, “Never mention it.”

You took me in your mouth

feeding your hunger with my body,

sucked me empty.

I cough up my disappointment

as the steam strangles me;

unlike your hands, leaves no bruise.

These tears were not joyous

yet you lapped them up, thirstily.

This is never the me I want

to give; it’s all you

ever take, laughing as you

spit

me

out

Black water always spirals

down the drain after being with you.

What is it that keeps bringing me back—

your filth

or the catharsis afterwards?