Found

My heart races, thumps, pounds. 

Blue eyes, blonde hair, perfect in every way. 

Perfect teeth, flawless skin, the person I love. 

I approach her. 

“Do you want to go to the play with me tonight?” 

She looks at me. 

We’ve never spoken before. 

“I can pay for your ticket.” 

I need this to happen. 

Her smile shows all of her perfect teeth. 

“Why not?” 

I smile back. 

“See you tonight!” 

I walk away before she can change her mind.

I wait outside for her. 

I hope she comes. 

“Wasn’t that fun?” 

The play was good. 

“Yes, I enjoyed it.” 

We walk downtown for hot chocolate. 

“Which booth do you want?” 

I pick one tucked in the corner. 

I need privacy for what I am about to do.

“I need to tell you something.”

Her open look hurts me. 

“Okay.”

I take a deep breath. 

“I like you.”

Disgust, revulsion, even hate spread across her face. 

“Get away from me.” 

I run, leaving my drink behind.

I can’t drink hot chocolate anymore.

I sit in front of a store window a block down.

Tears fall from my face and freeze on the concrete below.

“Are you okay?”

I look up.

A girl about my age stands there.

Her eyes are brown, almost black.

They match her hair. 

Her face shows concern.

“I saw you run out of the shop.  Do you want to tell me what happened?” 

I nod.

She sits down next to me.

I tell her everything.

“That’s horrible.”

I nod.  

I cannot seem to say anything more to this girl. 

“Do you want a ride home?  I’ve got a car.” 

She pulls keys out of her back pocket. 

I nod again. 

She lifts me up.

She pulls her banged up minivan in front of my house. 

“This it?”

It is. 

“Thank you.”

She smiles at me.

I am woken by blue light flooding by walls.

I grab my phone.

I have an unread text message.

That’s new. 

“How are you doing?”

Another pops up. 

“It’s Amity, from last night.”

I remember giving her my number.

I remember her giving me her number.

I remember her wanting to check on me in the morning.

I remember being grateful.

I walk into school like I do every day.

My head is hung low, my feet are shuffling.

I bump into someone.

Only, they’re not annoyed. 

“Hello!”

I look up.

It’s Amity. 

“How are you feeling?”

Her happiness almost blinds me. 

“Better.”

I am rewarded with a smile.

“Do you want to walk with me to class?”

What do I say to that?

Nobody’s ever asked me that before. 

“Sure.”

I hope that’s an appropriate answer.

I hope it’s not a trick question. 

“Great!  What class do you have next?”

What if I’m doing this wrong? 

“Math.”

Do I ask her what her class is now?

I will. 

“What class do you have?”

She smiles again. 

“English.  Let’s go!”

I follow her through the crowds.

I grab a sandwich from the stacks and head to the counter.

I pay and start to head out of the cafeteria.

It’s always noisy during lunch. 

“Over here!”

It’s not for me.

It never is.

But then my name is called.

I look up.

Amity is waving at me from across the cafeteria.

I walk over to her. 

“Do you want to sit with me for lunch?”

I do. 

I say so.

She smiles at me.

I think about her on the bus ride home.

In the afternoon.

In the evening.

In the morning.

Riding back to school.

I look for her when I walk into school.

But I don’t say anything, not yet.

Yesterday might have been a fluke.

Chance.

Coincidence.

Accident.

Pity.

I wait until she notices me.

She calls me over.

Yesterday was not a fluke.

I grab the same sandwich as yesterday.

Amity calls me over to the same table in the cafeteria.

Now, she has other people there.

None of them look like they belong there.

They’re all from different groups.

Amity introduces them as her friends.

I don’t see it, but I trust her.

Months pass.

I get to know Amity’s friends.

They become my friends.

I learn what binds them together.

They’re all like me.

We hang out together.

Sometimes we’re at someone’s house.

Sometimes we’re in school.

Sometimes we’re downtown.

But we never go back to the coffeeshop.

Eventually I realize something.

I act different around Amity.

I smile more, I laugh more.

I’m happier.

I walk up to Amity.

I wipe my palms on my pants. 

“Do you want to go out for coffee sometime?”

She smiles at me. 

“Sure?  Where?”

I realize my mistake.

There’s only one coffee shop in town.

But I’m not going to ask her to drive me somewhere. 

“The one in town.”

Will she notice?

Remember? 

“Sounds great! See you after school?”

She dosen’t remember what happened a year ago. 

“Sure.”

She forgot.

I enter the coffee shop.

Amity’s waiting for me. 

“Do you want to choose where we sit?”

I look around.

I see the booth where I sat one year ago. 

“There.”

I point to a table across the room.

I take the last sip of my coffee.

I feel the caffeine take hold, making me jittery.

I can’t be on edge for what happens next. 

“Can I tell you something?”

Amity looks calm, but a little concerned. 

“Of course, anything.”

I take a deep breath. 

“I like you.”

It comes out in a rush, biput I know she heard me.

She struggles to keep her face neutral.

I wait for rejection.

I wake up to a buzzing.

My phone screen is lit up.

I answer it.

Amity’s voice pours from the speakers. 

“I’ve decided.  I’ll do it.”

This is big. 

“Are you sure?”

I hope she’s ready.

“Yes.”

I take a deep breath. 

“Meet you tomorrow?” 

“I’ll drive.”

She is waiting for me at her car. 

“Ready?”

I nod.  

We climb into her car and drive away.

She pulls up along the side of the road. 

“I don’t think I can do this.”

She is almost crying. 

“You can.” 

I know you can.

I know. 

“You’re right.”

For a second, all she does is breathe.

“Let’s go.”

We leave the car.

We walk up the driveway.

We knock on the door.

Amity’s mom answers. 

“Mom, can you get dad?  It’s important.”

She does.

“Mom, dad, this is my girlfriend, Cara.”