Twin Flame Update #1. The Return

Saturday – November 30th, 2019

The new start is already in the past, quiet as a mouse, the wheel turned. Tuesday morning’s tarot reading was like a brisk slap across the face. The message was impossible to misinterpret when I clarified the powerful energies by asking, point-blank, if I should call Tom right now. I began to shuffle, barely having time to make a picture in my mind thinking if the answer is yes show me the sun. At once, two cards flipped up in my hands; the sun and the six of wands were both face-up. I stared disbelievingly at the answer to my question.

I was speechless only for a second before I shot to my feet in wide-eyed amazement. You can’t make this shit up! I laughed aloud as I put the cards down on my bed and grabbed my cell phone, shaking my head back and forth at the empty room. Am I supposed to be doing this right now? I spoke imploringly. Feel free to stop me at any time if this isn’t the right move. Just make my phone glitch out, or his phone not work. If I’m fucking up right now, someone stop me! I tapped the contacts icon on my phone and scrolled to his name. I paused briefly, waiting for a sign to stop me from placing the call, and then before I could analyze what I was doing I hit send.

Tom answered after two rings. My heart was beating in my throat as I paced my bedroom floor, and I could barely respond to his predictably cheery hello. This is how he always sounded when I called out of nowhere, even after a significant amount of time had passed. I can’t remember a time when he was not happy to see or hear from me, no matter what had caused our separation. It was comforting and infuriating at the same time, and I could not stop the broad smile that bloomed involuntarily on my face.

Hi, I said sheepishly. I’m sorry to bother you at work, can you chat for a minute? It was loud wherever he was, but he replied yes without hesitation, although I knew I was interrupting something. The background noise faded within less than a minute, and it was clear he moved to another area where he could speak without distraction. This fact registered in me on an unconscious level, and it was only after the conversation as over that it occurred to me, and with some relief. It’s unsettling how my mind worries about reciprocation, discounting what my soul knows to be true, and that alone causes my confidence to waiver.

I’m eating a lot of crow right now, I said tightly. Nooooo, he replied dragging the word out in a way that suggested he was acting kindy all the while knowing that my calling him was humbling for me. I appreciate you being kind about this, I said. Of course I am. I had no idea my day was going to peak at 7:35 in the morning! He said this with such upbeat boyish charm you would never have thought a biting word exchanged between us. I know it would have been just as easy for you to ignore my call altogether, thank you for answering, I said. He listened to me then without interruption as I explained the purpose of my phone call.

He laughed a little, saying, so the cards told you to call. His words did not come out in a question, but rather a confirmation. His giggle was genuine boyish gayety without a touch of cruelty in it. I was aware that I sounded nutty and the explanation contrived. If the man on the other end of the line had known me less this is certainly what he would have thought, but Tom and I have a long history together, and so the tone in his voice was pure amusement and not disbelief. I said, yes and I just do what I’m told. I didn’t want to call, but the message was so clear… He cut me off then asking, by who, the universe? Again, I replied yes to his question. Tom gave another boyish giggle then and said easily, “I love you.” I was smiling still and didn’t skip a beat replying, “You know I love you too.”

We spoke a little more about the messages I had been receiving from the tarot cards, and I tried not to get too much into the past. I had no idea what I was supposed to be accomplishing with this call, except that I needed to turn the wheel. A new message always comes after the wheel has turned, prompting me onto the next step of the journey. I did my best to be transparent about the matter. I, in no way, wanted to come across shady or pious; I just wanted to present the situation factually, dispassionately.

I knew I had effectively enlisted his help when he asked, “Does this mean we can go see Dr. Sleep together?” I laughed outright at what seemed comfortable acceptance on the face of things, even though I knew matters were more complex underneath. I don’t know, I said, we’ll see. Every time I think I know something I have come up wrong, so let’s just see what happens. “Ok. Let me know what the cards say. I have to get back to work.” That is when I noticed he had stepped away from the loud machine noise that had previously emanated from the background.

Seconds later I was setting my phone aside and picking up the deck again. I shuffled the cards speaking clearly to the visibly empty room. After communicating my intent as fervently as I could I knocked on the deck dispelling any previous energies and laid out the cards. There it was, plain as day, that little conversation was another cog in the wheel. The future energies were vague but foreboding.