In Search of Roots

“Today I am going to present a psychiatric profile of an individual named Swaran Sharma who, even a few years ago, was very near and dear to us. The objective of this case study is to initiate a dialogue as to the power and efficacy of our inner mind when our outer mind completely fails. While this case study pertains only to the power of the inner mind as it relates to God, we will need separate studies to see if our inner mind can also be used to relate to one another in our normal interactions,” Margaret, the Senior Fellow at the Russell Institute’s Graduate School of Psychology, remarked as she started her presentation to the students of clinical psychology.

Swaran Sharma spent his early years in British Guyana. Then, at age twelve, he immigrated to Canada with his family. He excelled in academics from young age. He achieved a perfect score on the SAT. After completing his bachelor’s degree in mathematics at a leading Canadian university, he moved to Boston to continue his master’s at the Russell Institute. He stayed on to complete his doctorate program there. He enjoyed research and teaching, so he joined their mathematics department as an assistant professor. During the mid-90s, Dr. Swaran Sharma became the chairperson of the Department of Applied Mathematics. By virtue of his position, he routinely taught other quantitative classes including psychometrics. His publications were read and admired around the world. He won the prestigious ‘Russell Professor of the Year’ award twice. Under his leadership, his department came to be regarded as one of the best in the world. His peers knew he was a future Nobel Laureate. He was not only a well-respected professor, but he was also loved by all for his gentle nature.

Swaran was an avid traveler. With his wife and two kids he traveled around the globe. To find his family roots, he traveled to India on several occasions. His Canadian wife was not too keen about his family roots, so she used to stay back with the kids when he was on his personal mission to India. He developed professional relations with a number of Indian universities, so he often stopped by them as a guest lecturer. But he never lost sight of his bigger picture – the primary purpose of his being there. Based on his research, he was able to narrow his focus down to two provinces and visited the villages there. While he was always heartened by the naïve villagers, he was deeply saddened by the abject poverty there. In spite of all these adversities, his perennial mission continued.

As his quest for his roots continued, he started to get deeper into Eastern philosophy and religions. One day while traveling in a local train he met Roy, an American tourist who was very familiar with the local culture and life. Roy took him to a temple located right on the banks of the river Ganges. It was a very old temple, but it looked physically better than most temples he had seen there. According to Roy, the devotees came from far and wide to worship there. For generations people believed that they could get their wishes fulfilled by offering prayers to the temple deities. People were made to believe that miracles happened there every day. Roy introduced Swaran to Bharat Singh, the caretaker of the temple. Swaran was fascinated by Bharat who was educated in the US and had a flourishing career in Wall Street. At age thirty, he gave it all up and returned to India to take care of his ancestral temple. Even Bharat believed that the temple was an embodiment of miracles. Swaran was truly amazed by the miracle stories he heard.

Meanwhile, his family life started to suffer. Between his demanding teaching profession and his growing obsession to find his roots at the other end of the world, he hardly had any time for his family. His wife gave him an ultimatum to shun his hopeless obsession and pay more attention to the family, or else she would simply ring the curtain down on their marriage. He did abide by her ultimatum for a while, but then again his mind became progressively uncooperative. He kept thinking of the evenings with the villagers, his time at the temple and the endless miracle stories that he heard from Bharat and the visitors. He was keen to experience a miracle, but it did not happen for him. Of course, Bharat asked him to spend more time at the temple praying and worshipping the deities if he genuinely yearned for such an experience. So he decided to go back to India and spend the entire summer at the temple. As he broke his travel plans to his wife, she categorically reminded him that, if he followed through on his plans, it would be the end of their marriage. He disregarded her provocation and left for India on an extended tour.

Bharat was happy to see Swaran return to the temple for a longer haul. From their very first meeting, the chemistry between them was incredibly lucid. Swaran loved his room at the temple; it faced the beautiful river and also away from all the din and bustle of the temple. But what he enjoyed most about his room was the prodigious experience of the sunrise and the sunset. They both spent long hours at the temple meditating. At night, Swaran would sit by the river and listen to the water. He also learned from Bharat how to live blissfully on only milk and fruits. He felt amazingly tranquil during those summer days there.

At the end of the summer when he came back to Boston, the inevitable came to pass. His wife had filed for divorce. His institute was kind enough to let him temporarily stay at their guest quarters and then helped him locate an apartment close by. He was terribly distressed by the divorce and the separation from his kids. He knew he was totally responsible for his tragic loss. He had no ill feelings for his beloved ex-wife; she did everything right under the circumstances. In a few months their divorce was finalized. As part of the settlement, he gave her whatever she had asked for. He knew it would be all for the well-being of his kids. He did not want them to suffer in any way. On the final court day, he wanted to meet with his ex-wife and the kids and beg their pardon. But they had left before he got a chance to meet with them. Because of his growing erratic behavior, the court granted him only limited supervised visitation right. He did not contest that ruling either; he was the reason for this trauma.

He decided to go back to India again during the holiday season. On last few occasions Bharat picked him up from the local train station. This time since Swaran was carrying some more luggages for the temple, Bharat went to meet him at the airport. On the way back to the temple, Bharat severely chided him for destroying his marriage. Swaran was not keen to participate in that discussion; instead he was more interested in knowing the upkeep of the temple. He was however happy to move back into his favorite riverfront room. He was happy to see Bharat, the priest, the trees, the pigeons, the monkeys and, above all, the temple he had grown to love. As he stood outside by the river, the monkeys started to scream and jump off the trees to come and greet him. Bharat showed up. With Bharat’s help he started putting gold chains around the new monkey mothers’ necks. The new mothers were proud to show off their babies to him. Bharat remarked, “When you are not around, they routinely stopped by your room to look for you. Once an old friend of mine was staying in your room; suddenly the monkeys noticed a different person in your room and they started screaming so much around the room that I had to move him to the east wing. He was very scared.” As Swaran was listening to Bharat’s story, he realized how much he missed these monkeys too.

One day he was sitting by the pond next to the east wing. The pond was full of full-bloom lotuses and other beautiful surface-water flowers. As he was enjoying the beauty of the flowers and the serene atmosphere, he suddenly noticed that a man was walking on the water. He could not recognize the man, but he was astonished to see him walking on the water. He knew he was wide wake and he could not be hallucinating. Later that day, he shared that experience with Bharat. Bharat did not sound surprised at all. The next day Swaran visited the same spot again to see if he could have the experience repeated. But he did not notice anything unusual. The day before his departure he was busy packing his clothes in the room. An unusual chatter among birds drew his attention. He looked through the window and there he was. The same man was walking in the air, at least ten feet above the ground. He disappeared momentarily. Swaran was still shuddering inside as Bharat walked in. Swaran immediately narrated the event to him, but as usual Bharat showed very little reaction. But this time he did remind Swaran that this temple was an embodiment of miracles and he was obviously not hallucinating. Swaran was relieved but his curiosity began to skyrocket.

He decided to extend his vacation and stay on for a month longer. Bharat tried to convince him not to take any undue chances with his job, but Swaran would not budge. During his extended stay, he started to experience more and more miracles and other unusual events. One day while he was feeding the monkeys, he began to experience rain in broad daylight. As the rain intensified, he noticed that one of the deities from the temple appeared in real Goddess form. As the Goddess disappeared, the rain stopped. The same night upon hearing a knock, he opened the door. A beautiful lady was standing there with a holy book. She handed the book over to him and vanished. He looked all around, but she could not be traced. He stopped talking to Bharat about his experiences, but he also started to wonder if he was truly experiencing miracles or if his mind was slipping.

Once he returned to Boston, his department made their dissatisfaction clear to him over his unexpected extension of vacation at the beginning of the semester. Yet, instead of focusing on the department, he started spending increasingly more time studying miracles and spirituality. Without giving notices, he skipped classes to meet experts and authors in the field of miracles. Halfway through the semester, he was stripped of his chairmanship and demoted to a professor. He was nonetheless not at all intimidated by such actions. He continued his research and travel ignoring all provocations from the department.

One morning Swaran woke up with a terrible headache. After his headache went on unabated for a while, he finally saw his doctor. He went through a number of advanced diagnostic tests, but nothing unusual was discovered. Meanwhile, his mind was gradually becoming incapable of remembering anything from the past. The doctors were perplexed. Soon there was a point when he not only lost his memory, but he started to mutter delirium as well. His department did not need him anymore. They contacted his ex-wife for help, but she was already engaged to be married. She however suggested that they contact Bharat in India who might be willing to keep him.

As expected, Bharat got a letter from the Russell Institute that detailed all the events leading up to Swaran’s current mental condition. He was shocked. But he knew he would be the only person who could care for Swaran now. So he immediately flew to Boston and accompanied Swaran back to India. He arranged for Swaran to stay in his favorite riverfront room, surrounded by his favorite trees, birds and the beasts. Even the monkeys and the pigeons knew that it was their turn to take care of their loving Swaran. In the morning Bharat would take Swaran by the pond where the monkeys showed up and fed him some bananas and cut coconuts that they saved for him. The pigeons would also go around and gather some berries for him. Unfortunately, Swaran was mentally too challenged to see the miracles that were taking place to keep him alive.

“I am Margaret Chaplin. I am looking for Mr. Bharat Singh, the owner of this temple.”

“I am Bharat. I don’t own this temple. My family does. I am just the caretaker here. Anyway, how may I be of help?”

“I am a Senior Fellow of Clinical Psychology at the Russell Institute in Boston. I believe Dr. Swaran Sharma is under your care here. I read a lot about him. I am genuinely fascinated by his profile. I am here to study him for a while,” remarked Margaret.

“What is your time-frame?” asked Bharat.

“I plan to spend the summer here and then, based on my results, I will decide if I need to come back,” Margaret replied and then added, “How much do you charge for your rooms here?”

“No charge. I will put you up in a room in the east wing. I hope you are carrying a lot of can foods. We live only on fruits and milk donated by the visitors. As you know, the nearest town is twenty miles away. If you need groceries, please let me know at least a day ahead. I will arrange a ride with a visitor. You can take a cab back to the temple,” Bharat replied.

“Thank you very much. Food won’t be any problem. I will get used to living on fruits and milk too. When do I meet Dr. Swaran?”

“Tomorrow morning at 7am. At the south end of the east wing, there is a pond. He takes his breakfast there. You will meet him there. By the way, we all call him Swaran. Let me take you to your room.”

As Bharat opened the door of the room, Margaret went inside and looked around. In fact, she expected much worse. The room had a large wooden window facing the courtyard, a bed and a small dresser with a mirror.

“This room does not have an attached bath. The baths are down the hall and you have to share with other guests. We rarely have guests in weekdays. The linens are clean, though. I know how Americans feel about dirty linens,” Bharat remarked with a laugh.

“Where is Swaran staying?” asked Margaret.

“In the west wing, next to my room. The rooms there are nicer because they all face the river. Once the monkeys are comfortable with you, I will switch you there,” answered Bharat.

“You have monkeys here?” Margaret asked with a frightened voice.

“You will know them all. Without them, I could not have managed this place,” Bharat replied and bid her good night.

The next morning Margaret woke up quite early. She walked around the temple and the courtyard for a while and then sat by the river. She liked the cool breeze, the picturesque view of the river and the synchronized singing of the ferrymen from the boats carrying people back and forth. Suddenly she heard a loud screech. She turned around and saw a group of big monkeys screaming at her. She was so frightened that she could not even cry for help. A ferryman who just docked realized what was happening to the tourist. He ran up the stairs and drove the monkeys away.

He then looked at Margaret and said, “Madam, this place belongs to the monkeys. They have been here for generations and visitors must make peace with them. As a new visitor, you have to bring some bananas and coconuts for them. They will always remember you and leave you alone. In fact, if you are hungry, you can ask for food from them. They will go around and collect some bananas and other fruits and serve you in banana leaves. If you feel physically exhausted or mentally fatigued, you can sit under the tree. The monkeys will come down, sit by you and hold your hands to comfort you. There are days I have no business. I just sit and wait for the passengers. By mid-day when nobody shows up, I feel very disoriented. So I come up and sit under a tree. The monkeys know I need their psychological help. The mother monkeys are very affectionate. One of the mothers comes down, places the baby on my lap and hugs me. I feel as if I am reunited with God. Momentarily, I am re-energized and miraculously passengers start showing up around my boat. We call them miracle monkeys; the mountain people, following the Hindu mythology, call them the agents of God.” Margaret was simply spellbound by the ferryman’s depiction. With a deep sense of gratitude she said, “Thank you for saving my life. Will you please take me to my room in the east wing?” The ferryman laughed and then escorted her to the room.

Margaret rushed to the bathroom to freshen up. She was extremely excited to have the opportunity to study Swaran at his current mental state. She slowly walked towards the pond at the end of the corridor. As she crossed a small bridge, she could see the pond. Once she came off the bridge, she could not believe her eyes. For a moment, she thought she was hallucinating. She wiped her eyes and tried to watch more closely. She saw a man in white clothes surrounded by some monkeys and birds. No other human being was there. As she approached him slowly, she was even more mystified. The man was actually being fed by the monkeys and the birds. She was afraid to go any closer, so she stopped at a distance and sat on a large stone to observe him from there. She took out her notepad and started writing her notes.

In a while, Bharat showed up. He approached her and said, “I am sorry for being a little late. I had a small emergency to take care of. Come on; let me introduce you to Swaran and my other resident friends.” Margaret slowly followed him to Swaran. She was still very scared inside. Bharat looked at Swaran and said, “This is Margaret – the newest member of our family here.” Swaran was undisturbed and kept staring at the water. Bharat then turned to the monkeys and the birds and said, “Folks, please meet Margaret. She is one of us now. Please be kind to her.” As the monkeys and the birds screeched loudly together, Bharat told her, “That’s their way of welcoming you to their world. Now, no one will harm you. As you interact more with them, you will gradually understand their language as if it is your own. I do have one word of advice – try not to take Swaran away from them, instead just share him with them. Soon you will get to know the routine here. Swaran spends the rest of the morning at the mezzanine temple which is off-limits to the visitors. But I have instructed the temple staff to give you unrestricted access there. In addition to fruits and milk, I have also arranged for some cooked foods for you. So, please stop by the temple when you please.” Before she was able to say anything, he walked away. But she was truly moved by Bharat’s generosity.

Margaret began to walk towards the mezzanine temple. The temples were at the other end of the courtyard. Since she was meeting Swaran alone for the first time, she was very apprehensive. She could not wait to get over with it, so she started to walk faster. She walked up the stairs and went through the big wooden door. As soon as she walked inside the temple, she saw Swaran standing in front of the deities with his hands up and chanting something. She quietly moved closer to him and sat down on the floor. She tried to understand what he was chanting. She studied Sanskrit in college. She realized he was not chanting in Sanskrit, or in English. So she started recording his chanting to study later. She took a good look at him. She guessed he would be in his mid-40s, about 6 feet, quite well-built and unusually light-skinned compared to the local folks. After chanting for about an hour, he put flowers in the hands of the deities and then rubbed some fruits and milk on their lips. He then sat down and kept staring at the deities for the rest of the morning. She had never studied a case where a mentally-failed person could act so normally with God. She was simply astounded!

At noon Bharat showed up and said to Margaret, “It is his lunch time. He eats his lunch by the river under his favorite old tree. Come with us if you want to observe him.” Bharat took him by the river and made him sit down under an old tree. He then left. Suddenly the monkeys started to come down from the trees. Some of them brought bananas and coconuts. Another monkey brought a piece of banana leaf and they poured all the fruits on that leaf. She was surprised to see that the female monkeys had gold chains in their necks. A few female monkeys sat in front of him and started feeding him. If he was unwilling to open his mouth, the feeding monkey would make a screeching sound and then he would open his mouth again. It looked as if a human mother was trying to feed her own baby. Margaret never knew that the monkeys could be this organized, articulate and caring. It was truly an unbelievable scene.

Bharat came back in about an hour. He looked at Margaret and said, “It’s time for him to take some rest. Let’s take him back to his room and you can try to feed him some water. It will help you develop some chemistry with him.” Margaret liked that idea and followed them to his room. Before leaving, Bharat showed her the water jug and offered a word of advice, “If he does not open his mouth, do not get upset. Try telling him a story or sing a song, or whatever your imagination permits. You have to treat him like a baby. At 4pm, an attendant will take him for his shower and then to the temple again.” Margaret was happy to be left alone with him only.

She took a small glass of water and tried to feed him. As expected, he would not open his mouth. She tried to make various proven sounds from the books of psychology. But nothing worked. She even tried reading a story for him. She suddenly remembered how the monkeys were feeding him. While one female monkey was feeding him, two other female monkeys were gently holding his hands. So she held his hand and tried to feed him with her other hand. That would not work either. She remembered Bharat’s suggestion and started singing a song. While she held his hand with one hand, she again tried to feed him with the other hand. Bingo! He opened his mouth and drank some water. But the moment she stopped singing, he would not open his mouth either. So she realized that he was still somewhat susceptible to some warm touches and special sound effects. She was extremely happy with her initial experimentation.

As time progressed, she shared with the monkeys the feeding of the breakfast and the lunch. She also fed him the water and the milk at night. Meanwhile, the monkeys started to adore her. One day she had to go to the town to take care of some postal work. The monkeys thought she was gone. Out of rage they started terrorizing the visitors. They broke the window in her room. They even refused to feed Swaran. The next morning when she showed up by the river, the monkeys were pleasantly surprised. They gathered around her and started dancing to show their appreciation. They knew their lady of love was back. Margaret started to wonder how she could ever leave them.

The summer was coming to an end. So Margaret was confused whether to extend her leave. But she knew her department would not object to her request for an extension as she was working on an important case for her dissertation. After having discussed the progress with Bharat, she decided to stay on for three more months. Bharat also moved her to a riverfront room on the west wing, just three doors down Swaran’s room. The view from her new room was so gorgeous that she could not ask for anything more. She was always embarrassed that Bharat never accepted any money for her room and board. Every time she brought the topic up, Bharat said, “Margaret, this temple can never repay your services.” So the discussion never went anywhere.

Over a period of time Swaran became Margaret’s sole responsibility. In the afternoon and at night she would even wait until he fell asleep. She never took care of anyone like this before. It was becoming more than a study for her. She was slowly getting more possessive and emotionally more attached to him. While feeding him, she would let the monkeys sit around, but only she could feed him. The monkeys did not mind that because they had grown to love her too. She not only learned his language, but his every move as well. Sometimes he would suddenly cry like a baby. As she hugged him, he would slowly stop. Previously, he would continue to cry for hours. She was amazed how he felt the warmth of the human touch.

Margaret planned her next trip to the town very differently. Although it was an important day in the temple, she had to go to the town to meet a professor from a local university where she was planning to be a visiting lecturer. They left the temple in the morning with a visitor and planned to come back by late afternoon. In her absence, she however did not want the monkeys to go on frenzy. So she took a little one with her. While the mother monkeys never part with their babies, this mother gladly let Margaret take her baby. Thus the monkeys were also assured that Margaret would be back.

It was around 5pm. The temple was full of visitors. Bharat was resting in his room. Swaran was alone in the mezzanine temple. Bharat woke up on a loud sound of gunfire. He rushed towards the temple. People were screaming and running all around to find their nearest exit doors. Suddenly a few more gunshots followed. In the main temple he found the priest was tied to the window rods. All the jewelry from the deities was gone. As he untied the priest, he realized Swaran would be alone at the mezzanine temple. He ran as fast as he could. The door was wide open and Swaran’s blood-soaked body was lying at the feet of the deities with a piece of jewelry still stuck in his left palm. He realized Swaran tried to fight the bandits. They took his body down to the courtyard and placed his head on Bharat’s lap. The monkeys chased everyone out of the courtyard and sat quietly around Swaran’s body. Swaran was struggling for his last breath.

Margaret walked in. From a distance she saw the silent gathering of the monkeys and blood flowing all around them. She feared something terrible must have happened to Swaran. She started murmuring, “God, please don’t take him away. I knew I should not have left him alone.” She began to run to the scene, perhaps the longest fifteen yards she ever ran.

Margaret was sitting by the river. Bharat showed up and said, “Margaret, we are ready to take him to the city. Do you want to come and see him? He has been dressed in his favorite blue pin stripe suit. He looks as if he is resting before his next class.”

Without looking at Bharat, Margaret just said, “No,” and then added, “I will take his ashes with me.”

Bharat then said to Margaret, “By the way, I have confirmed your travel plans. Your luggage will be checked in through Boston.”

As Bharat was ready to leave, Margaret said, “Bharat, can you please tell me about his final few moments?”

Bharat started, “Remember, how unsteady his eyes were. Funny, during his final moments, his eyes were normal and steady, as if God had granted him his final wish. He was desperately looking for something or someone. He was trying his best to hold off on his exit breath.”

Margaret then asked, “Did he say anything?”

Bharat answered, “That was very unusual too. He uttered the word ‘Love’ a few times. Even in his sane mind, he never used that word.”

All this time, the monkeys were watching them from a distance. They all came down and sat by her. One mother monkey took out the gold chain from her neck and gently put it around Margaret’s neck. Margaret hugged her and broke down in tears.

Bharat said, “Now, in their world, you and Swaran are united, forever.”