No more masks.

I lost myself because I dared to live by your words. you told me to, "get over it", "stop being melodramatic", among other statements that changed my emotions to your expectations. You made me feel guilty for wanting to cry the pain I was feeling because it made you uncomfortable. when later I went back to the drawing board I wasn't sure if placing you on the "friends" list was the right choice. without knowing it or intending to you killed a part of me that was true. I wore a mask to fit in with you, to blend in with what you wanted and I wondered silently in the dead of night when only crickets sing and misery and loneliness come out to play, when it was going to be my turn. I tucked myself away and without realizing it I slowly d away and the reflection in the mirror the one that stared back at me every day was an image I'd allowed you to create. you weren't there for that, for the moments when I questioned who I was, just like you weren't there for a lot of the other things that didn't involve you. I try not to blame you, but a person shouldn't have so many doubts and questions about their friends.

when I finally chose me and my happiness it was a problem for you. what you don't understand is that you can no longer drive guilt through me for being myself. I no longer live by your rules only by those which make me happy. I'm not like you, I don't sweep things under the rug or brush them off. I'm the type to feel pain and embrace it until I am finally ready to let go. I only wish you would understand that I shouldn't have to apologize or feel sorry for being the way that I am.

Maybe one day you will see things my way but I'm not holding my breath, belief. At least not for you, not anymore!