Baby Boy

She struggles to catch her breath as the doctor passes over her newborn baby boy. He is wailing so angrily that he is having trouble catching his breath too. His dark skin is mottled and flushed, though he has been rubbed clean and dried. She gazes down at her son, her first child, the newest piece of her heart. Already she can feel the worry blooming in her chest and spreading to her gut. Will he grow up strong? Not just physically, but in mind and spirit as well? She knows a broken heart is just a part of life, but how will her baby respond when it eventually happens to him? She whispers his name and rubs her nose along his forehead. Even without talcum powder, or the no-tears shampoo she has in the bathtub at home, he already smells like a baby, pure and sweet. He sucks in a breath of hospital air and stops crying, gazing up at her with eyes just like her own. He may not have anyone in his life that she will let him call “daddy” but she already knows she would lay her life on the line for him without a moments hesitation. She hopes that’s enough. She hopes that will at least partially compensate for the current and maybe permanent lack of a male father figure. But she doesn’t know. She smiles at him through the tears falling down her cheeks. Will he ever love her as much as she already loves him? Will she be able to keep him safe? Will he forgive her for the mistakes she knows she will probably eventually make, no matter how hard she tries to be perfect? What will his voice sound like, when he speaks his first word? Will he have his father’s nose? So many questions; so many unknowns. So much to discover about her new favourite person. She can't wait to start the rest of their life together.