Dearest Brother (Day One)

The day you left this Earth was a quiet one.

It was overcast skies and thick August heat.

It was nothing and it was everything in the same breath.

It felt as if the Earth should have stopped, just for a moment.

A deep and somber sigh from her core,

one that would soften the waves and calm the wind.

Instead there was nothing.

No grand display of grief and mourning.

Nothing at all.

I watched the sun rise the following morning.

Shades of orange and pink brushed the sky and I wondered where you were.

I searched the sky for you.

I found clouds, and birds, and airplanes but I did not find you.

I lifted my face toward the sun, eyes closed tightly, tears streaming and whispered prayers pleading for you to return.

I begged the clock to turn back time, just this once.

Oh please just once.

I sat in the summer heat and recalled memories of when you were young.

I pictured holding you in my arms, breathing you in, memorizing your tiny features.

I pictured running with you, your laughter filling the air and echoing through the trees.

I scanned every memory in my mind for moments that held you.

Not enough moments I thought.

Oh dear God not enough.

Not enough.

I sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, and I thought about only you.

I thought about all of the things you had experienced in this life,

and all of the things you never would.

I allowed my mind to create images of every milestone in your life that would never come to be.

I played them over and over, again and again until I felt my soul ache, begging me to stop.

I wondered what the other side of this life held.

The most curious of questions and the answer now belonged to you.

I felt fearful at the thought that someday the answer would belong to me too.