Abandonment

Is he going to message me today? I stare at my instant messenger, hoping he respond to my many messages and memes. Will he finally give me the acknowledgement I need? Even if he just says hi I still get that rush, that feeling of being necessary, that feeling of being wanted.

Who is he spending his time with? Who is keeping him from messaging me? I free fall into my feelings of abandonment. There is no trampoline at the bottom. I fall into my heart, feeling like a waste of time. Will anyone ever want to talk to me? Will anyone ever want to waste their time on me?

Why won’t he talk to me? Should I call? If I call I will seem needy. I am though. I am in need of attention, in need of someone telling me I am okay. Just a simple

acknowledgement of a conversation with me makes me feel like I am worth something.

Why won’t he acknowledge me? Why doesn’t he care?

I know why--because we are nothing. I mean nothing to him. I am not as important as his latest girlfriend or whatever person he is with. But it is okay. We aren’t anything.

I am nothing and I am all alone.