Pancho Villa Invented Feng Shui. Or Kung Fu.

The man known to the world as Pancho Villa,

my great-grandfather, invented feng shui.

Or was it kung fu?

Doesn't matter.

They both taste like fried rice.

Mama says Pancho used to swallow a bullet at breakfast,

bring him immunity to death in the afternoon.

It worked for many years,

until they caught Grandpa Pancho at an intersection

in a small town in Chihuahua, aerated him with many a .50 cal.

Pancho bled all over his beautiful expensive car,

a 1919 Dodge something or other,

which is on display at the museum that honors him.

Dunno why the Mexicans would honor my grandfather.

Pancho was a gangster.

One of the originals.

Fuck P Diddy and Jay-Z:

Wannabes, all.

Pancho left me his guns and 36 diaries,

which no one else has ever read.

I'm still translating them.

Pancho and I have long chats over cold cerveza

when the sun touches down.