Untitled Note 1/1/2020 1:35AM

Sometimes, because he is forgetful, she will ask questions with answers she already knows. Most times, he will say something different than what she’s heard before. She enjoys overthinking which is true.

Behind door number one is the Princess Diana TY Beanie Baby he gave her that his sister collected.

Behind door number two is the Princess Diana TY Beanie Baby he gave her that belonged to his dead mother.

Behind door number three is the skeptical thought that maybe it is neither door, and he doesn’t remember giving her a TY Beanie Baby at all.

Sometimes, because she likes to play sick for attention, he tends to her needs regardless, without irony. When she thanks him for his kindness and patience, he tells her a dad joke to avoid feelings.

Sometimes, she will compliment him, and she will wait to see how he replies. Because he shows his affection with actions and not words, he will thank her, or parrot the sentiment.

Sometimes he looks at her when she’s otherwise occupied. When she catches his stare, she will smile and ask, “What?” It is rhetorical because she knows he will either A) Coyly tell her, “Nothin’”, 2) Sweetly say she’s pretty while she internally wonders why he never says “hot” or “beautiful.” Or C) If his words could grin they’d say, “Just lookin’ at you.”

Sometimes, she is quiet and he will think she is moody. When he asks her if she’s okay, she chirps, “yeah!”. They both know when you’re fine you’re never really fine. Both of them will wonder when fine became a term to describe sex appeal.

Sometimes, while she has her lips wrapped around his cock, she gets caught up in a ticker tape of internal dialog, “my hair is in my face, should I put my hair up?” She feels a rumble of begrudgement, “is all this hair just for him?”

Once, he asked if he could tousel her hair around his erection, after that, he never did ask her again. Because she wants to know, he tells her it’s something he’s done before. She will be helpless but to picture the long blonde cascade of his exwife’s hair caressing his penis. She feels bad about her wiry tangles, a cache of curls. A tumbleweed compared to a silk scarf.

She will give him massages and hold doubt in every touch. She will press and wonder if he rather a caress. Her palms will be damp with anxious sweat and the gesture is more of a wipe than a stroke. A skipping stone rather a water slider’s smooth glide.

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unfinished.