When I was little
I would watch TV
And see the shy kid
Overcome their 'problem'
Make friends
Become as extroverted as the others
And be much happier for it.
It made me wonder
If there was something wrong with me
Becuase I don't have friends.
I like people;
I'm not antisocial or rude
ButI don't 'hang out' after class
Or post on social media
And most days I would just rather read my book.
After conversations
I dissect what I say
Noting every stutter, um, and awkward phrase
Hating myself for every one.
I always figured
Someday I would change,
Become 'normal'
And be happier for it.
Then one day,
I came across
A quote by Mark Twain:
"The worst loneliness
Is not to be comfortable
With yourself."
And it got me thinking,
When I'm with people
Am I comfortable
With myself?
I constantly second guess
And doubt
Holding back
Eaten alive by anxiety
And leave less happy
Than I arrived.
But when I'm alone
I laugh
I dance around the room
Making worlds up in my head
Sculpting stories
Out of errant thoughts.
And I decided
I'd rather be alone and happy
Than togetherr and miserable
Even if that means I'm lonely.
Because I like
Myself better this way.
Who needs friends anyway?