Imaginary Friends.

I never had imaginary friends growing up. Never had to make an extra space at the table or pretend someone was sitting on them. But I sure do have them now that I'm an adult. Two of them, to be exact.

The first one is The Drag. The Drag claims to be regal, beautiful, successful - everything I want to be. And The Drag never lets me forget I'm not her. I've never really seen her - she stands behind me, whispering things in my ear when I least expect it. "You're a horrible parent. Your writing is crap. You'll never make it out of the situation you're in. Why can't you just get your life together like this person and that person? You've had so many years to get it right - what's wrong with you?" The Drag makes sure to show up any time I'm feeling good about myself to remind me that a healthy self-esteem "just isn't meant for people like you." The Drag finds me when I've done something great and reminds me it's not enough. "But what about that other thing you haven't done yet? You can't stop and savor this moment; there's so much more you haven't accomplished." I try everything I can to lose her, but the Drag finds me and reappears when I least expect it.

The only person that can get The Drag to shut up is The Fake. My other imaginary friend, she is helpful, but pretty unreliable. The Fake shows up every now and then to carry me through things I can't do alone. Unlike The Drag, The Fake walks confidently out in front of me, leading the way. The Fake is funny. The Fake is smart and beautiful and always has the right words for every occasion. The Fake doesn't whisper or talk to me - there are too many other people she's more interested in speaking to.

The Fake doesn't hesitate or doubt herself - she gets things done. The Fake may be going places, if The Drag and I don't mess it up for her. Sometimes I feel like everything special I've ever done, The Fake really did it for me.

Sometimes I wonder how many other Fakes I pass by every day.