Spring Break

I thought spring break was going to be terrible. I was with my Grandmother and my cousin, I was fifteen and my cousin, Ella, was 14. We were taking a week-long trip down to Panama City Beach, Flordia for spring break.

When we got to the hotel after the long drive, it took a while to get in and to our room. When we got there we were on the top floor, the thirteenth. The hotel room was beautiful with a bar in the open kitchen. A comfy living room with the most amazing view of the ocean and pier I'd ever seen, but there was one problem. The rooms. There were two large rooms and a third smaller one. Ella and I got into a small fight over them but it was solved by us having to share the bigger bed. This bugged me a bit but I was fine with it later on.

The trip was stressful for me. I already have pretty bad anxiety but it was intensified when I felt like I had to be in charge. That I had to make plans, when I didn't. I also (don't come at me) don't like the beach. I don't like sand and the sun hurts me internally. Can you blame me though? I barely go out and now you're throwing me in the direct sunlight... I also have major anxiety with the ocean. So instead I stayed on the balcony happily reading one of my favorite books.

The third day we took a trip down to Destin to see some family that lived there. My great aunts and my cousin Chloe, who was 14. We ate at this cool restaurant and I got sweet tea chicken fingers and honey mustard. I specifically remember that as a joyful memory. We ended up taking Chloe back with us to the hotel and she stayed in that smaller room I mentioned earlier.

The most prominent memory I have of that trip was going on the Panama City Ferris wheel. I don't know if I can explain it completely but ill try. I have always felt empty. Like I couldn't feel happy for too long and I couldn't express it well. It might have to do with the environment I grew up in but at that moment, I knew I would never feel like that again. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, the sunset and the water, and the people below. The peacefulness... It was amazing. I began crying, but not of sadness, of joy. Everything faded out, my cousins and their conversation. Everything. I was only focused on how long I could feel like that...

To this day years later, I have never stopped seeking out things like that. Ferris wheels at fairs. Mountain views. Bridges and balconies. Anything. It changed me. I think about that moment anytime I'm angry or upset... That is the happiest moment I have ever had and probably ever will.