Love Thy Enemy (Diaries of Sinners)

She fell in love with her rapist. Not quite Stockholm Syndrome, no, she over-spiritualized her Christian faith and tried forgiving – and loving – the man who raped her. While participating in a prison ministry during graduate school 10 years after the rape occurred, Jael Townsend unknowingly runs into the man who raped her. Neither person recognizes the other until, during a rare moment of self-disclosure, Jael reveals to the prisoner – whom she is subconsciously (and inappropriately) attracted to – the details of her rape 10 years ago. Once the rapist and Jael realize who they are in relation to the other, all Hell breaks loose.

When Jael was in college, she was raped in the dark of her dorm room. Her rapist wore a mask and she was never able to get a look at his face. Years went by where Jael was in and out of psychiatric institutions and counseling offices trying to recover from the trauma and lead a normal life. When a prison ministry opportunity was available for her graduate level internship at a local seminary in town, where her degree concentration was to become a missionary, she volunteered to attend because of a sense of hyper-religiosity (where she was convinced she needed to expose herself to the very kind of criminal that she herself had been attacked by in order to properly forgive) but what seemed like sheer masochism to her boyfriend, who at first encouraged her to go in order to “heal from her rape” but then soon after retracted his statement by considering what Jael was doing as “moral suicide.”

Morgan Lucas, the rapist, is in a weird transitional phase in his life where he feels he has changed and is working towards accepting the forgiveness of God, which is what initially attracts Jael to him in the first place. However, her attraction quickly becomes inappropriate as she is sexually drawn to him, which is not altogether unattributed to Freudian concepts like suppression and sublimation. In other words, she is attracted to him because he raped her, but has no knowledge of this in the moment, as she does not know his identity.

Aaron, Jael’s boyfriend, is largely oblivious to what Jael is going through, and struggles with anger management issues himself. He has a mood disorder and is in his own personal Hell throughout the story. He wrestles with rescuing Jael but also pushing her to succeed and overcome her unfortunate past by doing difficult things and exposing herself to unlikely situations. He does not know that Morgan is Jael’s rapist until much later, and that is his tipping point to utter psychosis.

The novel is ultimately a story of redemption, with overarching themes of grace and forgiveness. However, it is also psychologically disturbing and controversial. There is no happily ever after, only a coming of age process for Jael as she wrestles with what love is, what the character of God is actually like, what forgiveness means and doesn’t mean, how to establish proper boundaries, and how to learn that the God she says she serves is not one who is a bargainer, keeping record of her wrongs and sitting on His almighty throne waiting to strike.

Morgan Lucas is a villain who desperately wants to be the hero. His story is heartbreaking. His remorse is palpable, and yet he is manipulative as well. Aaron is a type of hero who transforms into a villain. And Jael is both a helpless victim who eventually becomes the empowered heroine to her own story.