“my revenge will be artistic”

The reality of hurting someone with a soul dependent on creativity is somehow constantly pushed aside by the heartbreaker.

From friends to lovers to coworkers to family members.

Revenge has never been a part of my heart’s blueprint. That is, until recently.

Or at least, my acceptance of the fact that the people who destroy others without care deserve to hear that they’ve done it because

Maybe this makes me mean.

Maybe this makes me dishonorable.

Maybe this makes me weak.

Maybe this makes me disappointing.

But I just realized the life sentence that comes with holding back a talent that can help me live a life without pain: one too many took from my past.

I just realized my mortality.

I’m not looking for a legacy. I’m not looking to be a part of history books. I’m not looking to even inflict pain. I’m looking to live a life I love with people that love me back because

I’m not Mother Theresa.

I’m not Gandhi.

I’m not God.

I’m a writer.

And above all: I’m human.

The reality of hurting someone with a soul dependent on creativity never dies. Not even with the moving on. Not even with death.

Hurt an artist, painter, sculptor, writer: we will make art out of it.

And I hope it wakes you in the night. I hope it crawls up your spine at 1pm on a Tuesday when you think you’re having a good day. I hope it’s the first thing you think of when you read a quote about regret. I hope it’s a regular inconvenience. I hope it makes you consider showing up to a confessional.

Do know: you deserve to beg for forgiveness.

Never from the artist. Never from me. You’re so far past that. You deserve to beg for forgiveness from you.

“My revenge will be artistic”

and I’m so sorry you doubted

the way I could make you feel shame.

I pity the way you will live the rest of your life

regretting hurting someone that only ever

loved you.

“An eye for an eye makes the whole

world blind.”

but maybe you’ll see that

with elegant words—ones

that will

shake the evil in you—

I’ve given you a sight

you deserve to see

The sight of losing me.

Do know: I don’t wish to hurt you.

Maybe I will though.

Maybe you should hurt.

No, you definitely should.

And I never fucking should again.

(Since I know I’ll never treat a soul the way you treated me).

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

the above is sincerely dedicated to several people I loved wholeheartedly,

genuinely, begged for answers from. Ones I know are reading right now.

Arrogant to assume you even read this far down?

No, just finally aware of your envious arrogance to still want to know how the person you tried to

destroy is doing.

(Answer: I’m doing better than ever. It’s no coincidence you’re not here for that.)

Do know: I loved loving you but I don’t anymore.

The reality of hurting me should have never been pushed aside. But you thank yourself. And actually, I can thank you too.

““Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.” Kurt Cobain