I’m Not a Control Freak

I’m not a control freak, I just want you to clean the crumbs off the floor after you’ve made a sandwich. And if you could reseal the bread and put the butter-stained knife in the sink, that would be good too. I don’t even understand how you manage to line the entire kitchen floor with breadcrumbs. Is this some weird Hansel and Gretel parody that you’re trying out?

I’m not a control freak, really, but can you wipe the bathroom floor after you’ve gotten out of the bath. I know the local swimming pool closed down, but you don’t need to do a recreation of how it used to look. I can’t even swim. While we’re on the subject on the bathroom, can you wipe the toilet and surrounded floor area after you’ve finished doing your business? Better yet, get a better aim.

I really don’t think I’m a control freak, but I would love it if you didn’t come home and put all your bags on the bed. I’ve seen you put them down on the floor outside; the same floor covered in mud and people’s spit. If I wanted those germs on the bed I’d take the duvet outside and drag it across the floor myself, but I suppose you’d think that was a strange thing to do.

I have to insist it’s not me being a control freak, when I ask to cover your mouth when you sneeze. As much as I love you, I have no desire to be covered in your bodily fluids.

I AM NOT A CONTROL FREAK!