grounded mind
.
No one can tell, when two people walk closely together,
what unconscious communication one mind
may have with another.
- Robert Barr
She walks in. Four bare walls, white paint. No furniture, just honey wooden floors and a light slipping through a window. The door behind her closes, a key turns, and there is only silence left to embrace this mind. She breathes out. What now? Not knowing what to do, she does the one thing that always makes her calmer, she counts. Four walls, two windows, one door. One guard outside. Ten small steps from the center of the room, and eight big steps to the door. Moving to the window, she gazes outside. A big oak tree grows right next to it. It’s late summer, but both the door and the windows closed, and the air inside stuffy. Sweat drips down her forehead and the small of her back.
Your thoughts are melting, darling.
The windows haven’t got bars, but then again why would they. It’s the third floor and she would kill herself if she decided to jump. They know she had a fear of heights. Her hands roll into fists and she keeps counting. The tree has about six meters, four big branches, seven middle ones and...
Loud, loud, loud.
You brake.
Something snaps and she starts to sob, her chest heaving, back trembling. Her whole body shaking.
How will she get out? What was there to do?
The young woman hides a face in her hands and puts her head against the wall. Tears staining the white paint. Isolation surrounds you, nothing else. Face it, they have you, again. Suddenly the lock in the door clicks, and someone turns the key. Her back straightens, just like a pained line made of smooth iron, as she wipes the tears away and turns around. Suddenly the weak creature from a moment ago turns into solid rock. Hard as granite. Her arms crossed, dignity masking everything else. A man walks in, holding a plastic tray; his face showing no emotions. There is a gun strapped to the side of his belt. It doesn’t seem that he wants to use it. Just a precaution. Watch out for her, she can be a problem. Don’t underestimate her. She flinches, hearing his thoughts but tries to hide it.
The man puts down the tray and leaves. The key turns. She exhales, sits on the ground, eyes moving to the food. Two pieces of bread, one bowl of soup, a glass of water, eight small steps to the tray. She feels nauseous but crawls to it on her knees. Her deep blue dress with sleeves that cover her arms isn’t too long, so the wood scrapes the skin, grazing the knees that have already been damaged before. She doesn’t even notice.
The wounds that cover you, don’t just touch your body.
Don’t they, little girl?
Just keep counting. Distractions were the things that kept her going, pushing insanity away to the farthest corner. Seven floorboards to reach the food, three splinters in her skin so far. She grabs the bread, quickly eats it and drinks it down with water; not trusting the mushy clay matter that pretends to be nourishment for her body.
After over an hour - 3758 seconds of silents and stuffy air, over 62 minutes of dark thoughts sinking into her oversensitive brain. 4 quarters of self-pity mixed with intense panic. A vast amount of tears now soaked into her clothes and skin. One expression of indifference as the door opens, with one camera above that door.
A woman in a lab coat enters, a pad and paper in hand. She moves some documents on it and scrunches her eyebrows together. Not even looking up, a man walking behind her. It’s the same one that brought her food. She knows the woman, another one of the doctors that were taking care of her - a pretty way of saying, holding her against her will when she was no longer cooperating. She looks to the doctor; long blond hair tied into an elegant ponytail. A slim, tall figure, about 5′8 in height, wears low heels. The woman starts to read as if she was all alone in the room.
Adria Morgenstein. Age 26. Has the ability to infiltrate the human mind. Abnormal brain waves limited, skills having the best result in a near range, up to twelve meters. It can influence other people to change decisions if physical touch is possible or the receiver is in bad mental health or shows a predisposition to the power of suggestion.
Dr. Clarkson, they are waiting for you.
Yes, yes, in a moment.
But doctor...
Silence, let those fools with thick wallets wait a couple of minutes. Some things should not be rushed. Now leave, I shall be with you shortly.
The man walks out, and the two women are left alone. Silence fills the room once more. Doctor Clarkson looks up, her expression not showing anything.
Ah, Galilea. I hear you have been misbehaving. It saddens me deeply to see you in such a state.
My name is Adria. I told you not to call me like that.
It’s the name listed in your files, but not the one that you were born with. We checked, trust me. But then again, you already know that.
It was chosen for me first, but I chose for myself.
Yes, always the rebel. If you chose to listen more to others, we wouldn’t even be here.
I won’t be a toy in your game or a lab rat that you can take tests on. Just a matter of time before you open up my brain, and see which cables were working and which were burned.
Honestly, why all the dramatic manner. We are all grown-ups here and I, my dear, do not mean to hurt you.
My mind and body would argue with that.
I roll up my sleeves and show her the purple and green bruises that are near my veins, then I lift the light brown hair that goes to my shoulder blades, and show her my neck. Two burned-out holes still sensitive, that throb whenever I shift my head.
You were being unwise, Adria.
She adds extra tones to the name, causing my skin on my back to crawl like a tortured animal in agony.
We had to make sure you wouldn’t be a danger to anyone.
Now that’s bullshit, you just did it sooner because I wasn’t all meek and submissive like you assumed at first. Everyone has their limits, doctor.
Her stare is cold as it drops to her board. She nods a couple of times and scribbles something down.
You are absolutely right. That’s why I am going to tell Adam to change your medication dose. We wouldn’t want you to be too untamed and misbehaving again. You caused some members of your stall quite the headaches. I felt very troubled by it.
She stares at me from under her glasses and slowly walks up. I stumble back and smack my back against the wall. The doctor smiles politely and takes out a needle from her lab coat. I flinch and her smile spreads. I see the light bounce off the thick needle, as I slide myself to the right. What they did to me before really weakened me. Both my mental powers and my physical strength. I couldn’t defend myself properly and I was on lockdown. My eyes stare at the sharp metal and widen in surprise, as the doctor lifts her sleeve and sinks the needle with a satin grey liquid onto her flesh. The sharp object disappearing into the inner side of her elbow.
I gasp. She doesn’t seem to be bothered. The woman puts everything back into her pocket and stares at me. There is something strange in her eyes and it looks like she is waiting. A couple of minutes pass as we just stand there, none of us really moving - I can feel my clothes turning damp from the sweat, and I feel sick. The doctor looks at her watch and seems to be pleased. She grabs my forearm expectantly. My body tenses as I automatically try to send out my psychic voice message. They’re not even words, more like a silent order or a plea. My thoughts roundup in a shape only I see and hit her. It’s a warning. Stay away from me, let go. Now.
Nothing happens and my body slowly slouches, feeling defeated. They made another drug to test on me, and this time it worked. They’re making progress. But as stubborn as I was, I try again and again - what a naive attempt. My thoughts reach her but then bounce off a mental wall, that the drug supplied. The doctor nods satisfied and let’s go. I slide against the wall and land on the ground, feeling so tired. They already took so much of me, and I felt defenseless as a newborn. Never before did I use my abilities to harm anyone, but today I wish the situation was different - but instead, I couldn’t even protect myself, feeling the whole world crashing on me at once. My chest covered by a big rock, enabling me to breathe, body seeming to sink helplessly. Only then do I notice that the doctor used another needle, this time on me. I sink deeper, but before I collapse completely, her voice penetrates my mind.
Such a dramatic nature, as if she never had any tests before. You would think that after all this time, you would learn something. Try to sleep Galilea, maybe then you won’t cause any more trouble.
Her voice is patronizing and dripping with dislike. As if her personal guinea pig wasn’t doing a good job, not meeting the expectations. My fingers clench and my brain opens up like a plant, slowly - anger making me stronger - tiny vines stretching out and moving forward, a million green leaves made of thoughts vibrating and growing, covering the space between us. Blooming with a new craving.
The vibrations in the room change and the woman stumbles, almost tripping. She clears her throat, trying to hide the embarrassment, probably thinking that in fact, she had just tripped. The door opens followed by a sound of a single click, and then a turned key. Finally, absolute silence. Her body shifts and drops numb. She lays flat on the wooden floor sinking but manages to lift the sides of her mouth. They haven’t destroyed her just yet.
to be continued...
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Photo credit : Taya Ivanowa