Thoughts on Leaving (in 5 movements)

I. Hollow

Emptiness preferable

To the sadness that once

Filled me to the brim that

Leaked out of me through the

Cracks in my eyes

Emptiness that I try to

Fill with liquor and fuzziness and

Last-minute goodbyes.

ii. hallow

i will cherish you while you are

mine to hold

as i should have cherished you

yesterday and the day before

too late? not

too late to tell you with

my words show you with

my actions think with

every waking thought

i love you and will miss

you, friend

III. Shallow

We sat on opposite ends of the room for an entire semester. You were quiet and never spoke. We took two more classes together before I noticed you. It wasn’t until you stood in the front of the classroom and gave that presentation, with your beautiful looping handwriting and your beautiful self that I saw you. That was 23 days ago. In the time since, we’ve connected on Facebook, done homework together, shared a drink, peeled googly eyes off each others’ arms, and hugged. In a time like now, little crushes seem insignificant. But you’ll still be a question mark for me, and I wonder if we were lucky or unlucky.

IV. Sallow

I have a tan on my face

and my arms and my legs

that I got within a few days of arriving home.

I turn golden in the sunlight.

Please don’t shout at me spit on me beat me

just because you fear a disease that you’ve given

my name my hair my eyes my face.

I am golden.

Isn’t that a shade of yellow?

Don’t show me your ugliness if

you can’t see my

beauty.

V. Allow

I’m not dying, just lonely.

I’m not sick, just bored.

I’m not trapped, my open window tells me,

It could be worse, much much

worse. Still, let me feel sad.

Let me whine and be grumpy and perhaps shed a tear.

I’m not unloved, just isolated.

I’ve lost no one, and yet everyone.