Viral Diaries (4)

March 23, 2020

South Carolina

I convinced Hayden to call out of work. He doesn’t have a fever, but has been sick for a few days and we don’t want to take any risks. I left the house as soon as he woke up to use the remainder of my last paycheck to get medicine for him. I made small talk with the woman working at the pharmacy and I think she may have unintentionally given me the cold meds for free. Under normal circumstances, I would have spoken up.

It reminds of a time when I was little and took candy from inside a bin at the local Bi-Lo. It was an honest mistake (I thought it was free) and my grandparents went back to the store and made me tell customer service what happened. I didn’t get in any trouble from the store- it was a trivial matter to them- but I knew my grandmother was trying to instill an important lesson in me. As I got into my car and and drove away, I wondered what the younger version of me would have to say. Would she scold me and ask me to remember how it felt to shamefully pull melted Now and Laters from our pocket? Or would she understand my reasoning? Would it even be worth the conversation? I try not to think too often about the way my child self would feel about some of the choices I’ve made throughout my life- I would not want to upset her.

While I was mulling over gray areas, my sister burst through the front door (returning from a trip to the same store I’d been at earlier), yelled “Someone at the CVS picked their nose and touched the goddamn keypad!”, and went on a rant about her disgust with people. Perhaps it is better for my health that I did not return to the pharmacy. Or maybe I am just looking for reasons to validate my behavior.

Regardless of my partially guilty conscience, I am trying not to overthink the turn of events. I used the last of my money to buy some last minute necessities at the very same Bi-Lo I’d accidentally stolen from nearly twenty years ago.

Am I ignorant to think that there are times where blessings come in choppy and questionable ways? Good fortune has many masks sitting upon its shelf. I hope that one was shown to me today.