Viral Diaries (5)

March 27, 2020

South Carolina

Hayden has recovered and is going back to work. I, however, am now sick. I’m not sure if it’s the dust I’ve been kicking up while cleaning or the pollen that coats everything outside that’s got me feeling under the weather. I could have picked up Hayden’s sinus infection. Regardless, I cancelled my appointments for the day and have decided to stay home. I don’t think it’s COVID, but I would rather act responsibily, if not for my community, then at least for myself. The nurses would have asked if I was feeling any cold or flu-like symptoms, and I would not have the conscience to lie to them. I don't want to send an office full of pregnant women and their doctors into a frenzy. Although I must admit, I find the image of a herd of expectant mothers waddling for the door to be somewhat amusing.

In the earlier hours of the day, I heard a man’s voice come from downstairs. It was cheery but unfamiliar, and sounded too loud and too close to be a phone call. Could it be a great uncle or a distant cousin? My grandparents are each one of ten, and there are many relatives I haven’t met. Or perhaps a member of the church they once attended? I haven’t seen most of those folks in close to fifteen years. The voice inquired about “grandbabies”. My grandmother answered with a tone of familarity, but did not mention any of her grandchildren by name, unusual for a woman who has been known in the community for such a long time. Would my grandmother really have let someone she barely knows in the house at such a critical time? “I don’t think I’ve washed my hands as much in my life as I have in the past two weeks.”, the voice chirped. His statement set me somewhat at ease, although I worry about Edith’s casual approach. She hasn’t met this pandemic with skepticism, but I have detected some ignorance in her outlook. I will address this with her later; the last thing the old woman needs right now is an ambush.

I’ve been on a Star Trek marathon (Deep Space Nine, if you’re looking for specifics) and watched an episode the other day in which an asymptomatic virus runs rampant through the station. The crew, vastly unprepared for such a thing, scrambles to find a vaccine while their loved ones and shipmates fall ill. There is a rather stubborn character who refuses to be quarantined and nearly destroys the station (and himself) in the process. Hayden’s been playing Metal Gear Solid: V, and one of the plotlines in the game involves a highly contagious illness that attacks the respiratory system and is painfully hard to pin down. I find the parallels eeire. Is this a matter of sychronicity or am I so on edge that I have no choice but to be so painfully aware?

I would have liked to hear the beating of my daughter’s heart today. I worry about her, and even though she is quite literally connected to me, at times I need the reassurance. I am already anxious about not being able to protect her once she leaves the comfort of my womb, so it’s comforting to know that she is safe inside of it.

There are many projects on my list for today. But maybe it is best that I take the time to rest. The circles under my eyes are almost as dark as my hair. They never seem to go away.