Evolution of an Introvert

My face. Nothing but my face.

For months on end, I've seen nothing but my face.

My voice. Nothing but my voice.

For days at a time, there is nothing but my voice.

My heat. Nothing but my own heat.

Who would have thought I'd crave the feeling over another's body heat?

Days and weeks and months. Seconds and minutes and hours.

My mind - never shutting off.

My anxieties - ripping me to shreds.

My hope - slowly slipping from my grasp.

Peace, why did you take so long to find me?

Rest, why did you abandon me so quickly?

Home, why do you seem like a prison?

Choice. That's what I've taken for granted.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

If I say it enough, will this change? Will normalcy return?

I'm sorry for the times I rejected community.

I'm sorry for the days I spent without contacting family.

I'm sorry for the false excuses I offered to stay home.

I'm sorry.

My heart aches. I restlessly wait at the door. Counting down the days and seconds and moments. Human contact. Oh, the time I've craved human contact.

The door opens, and the sun's heat fills me.

How different it is when it speaks of freedom rather than temporary distraction.

I'm sorry, Sun, for the days I went without seeing you.

The wind brushes my skin, lifting goose bumps across my body.

How thrilling it is when it rustles the hair at my nape.

I'm sorry, Wind, for the times I complained you were too much or too messy.

My heart is in my throat. Tears flood my eyes.

I'm sorry, friends, for not loving you as well as I should have.

My arms couldn't hold you long enough.

My shoulders couldn't bear your burdens with you.

My body was exhausted by your excitement.

My mind couldn't keep up with your plans.

But, look.

My arms are open, ready to hold you close.

My shoulders are strong. Please, feel free to lean on them.

My body is revived. Let's dance together.

My mind is open. What do you want to do next?

Love.

It's nice to meet you. I feel as though this is a whole new introduction. I'm ready to know you fully. Intimately. Unconditionally.

Let me love you. Let me love you well.