s

we went to see a screening of a mutual favorite show at the movies in september. we were both away for college, two different ones, but we met up during a break. i've loved you for so long i almost can't remember what it was like before i did. we were sitting in my car at a red light, music from my phone playing through the aux cord. it was around midnight.

it was prom. you were my date, but not really, because we weren't dating. we slow danced. you kissed my hand. and let me rest on your lap. you drove me home. we got stuck in traffic in town, on the bridge over the river, and i had a perfect view of the city to my right and you to my left. a song was playing and i can't listen to it now because it brings me back then, when i wish i had leaned over your console and placed the smallest kiss on your cheek.

it was christmas last year. we met up on our breaks and got dinner. and hung out in your car in my driveway for an hour in a half just talking. my parents left and came home before i got out. i almost cried, and that's a lot coming from me. i felt so safe with you. i feel so safe with you. but i should've kissed you.

i should've leaned over the console. or led you into a secluded area where no one could see us. or leaned over my console at the light. or during prom as we slow danced. i should've kissed you in 5 months when we road trip for a concert and spend the night in a hotel together. i should've kissed you in 10 years when we're laughing about right now, i should've kissed you on senior skip day at the lake, or after we dropped of that friend after the movie on senior field day, or when you drove me home from auditioning for a choir. i should've kissed you the second i realized you're the love of my fucking life,

but i didn't.

and i won't.

nothing means more to me in this world than you, and i have infinite regrets about a lot of things, but not one of them is in relation to you. yes, i should've kissed you. but i can't, because if you don't want it, then i don't either. and you don't.

so i don't.

but i should've kissed you.