My Twelve Friends and Frenemies

Well, hello! My name is Calendar, and I'll tell you a little bit about my friends - though some are more like frenemies - since you asked...

January's a frigid bitch who teases you with promises of things to come, then won't show a bit of warmth, no matter how you beg or ply her with liquor. She's always swathed in silver and blue.

February, on the other hand, is a straight-up nymphomaniac; give her something stuffed and some candy, and you're good for the whole month. Siren red is her color.

March carries a pair of drums, like he marches to the beat of his own or something. He's also bi-polar, blowing hot then cold. But he never veers from his love of the color green.

April cries. Like, a lot. Every time you turn around, she's weeping and half the time, it really isn't about anything. As you can imagine, she's always seen in blue, and she carries a lovely blue parasol to match.

May loves to say, "Maaaybe I will, maaaybe I won't" and no one can figure out why. At least she tends to wear many colors at once, so she's interesting to look at.

June just lights up the world with her sunny personality; never is she seen with anything other than a giant smile. No wonder she wears yellow all the time.

July is a playa, getting at all the ladies, running his fingers down their arms and over their legs. He can also be quite explosive, though, so watch out! He wears red or white or blue or a combination thereof.

August is a cute little Boston Terrier, always running around in his tan doggie shirt, pushing people around as if he's a herding dog. But he's so adorable that humans always play along.

September is rather haughty, always showing off what he knows, like he's a genius or something. He even wears glasses to look as smart as he acts like he is. He also tends to wear green and blue plaid a lot.

October likes to think he or she (nobody knows!) is a jack of all trades, but they really just can't make up their mind as to what they want to be! This is the reason they wear a different uniform or costume every day.

November loves fall colors, so he's always seen in tan or orange or yellow. He also loves to stuff himself, so he's "hefty", as he would say. But he's always so grateful for everything and everyone that you just have to love him.

December is actually a pair of twins, always wearing matching red and white, her in a dress and him in a suit. Their noses are always red, too, but they're so jolly that they make everyone smile wherever they go. They're also generous to a fault, and will give you the clothes right off their own backs! It's a good thing they have their own factory!

What a ragtag bunch, huh? They may not always be very lovable - or even sane! - but I honestly don't know what I'd be without them!