Selling Free

When we sit back, I wonder what we’ll think of all of this. In five years, in ten years, when we’re older with different experiences, I wonder. I wonder what this will mean. I don’t think it’ll be seen as a mistake, only as a turning point.

I know it was for me, a realization of what I wanted and that I wouldn’t have that with you. What you had to offer was something I appreciated, even something I admired, but not what I wanted.

You, yourself, so full of life and freedom. Wanting nothing more than what sits in front of you, to spend your life in this valley would not be a nightmare, it could even be a dream. For me, I want to leave. For so long I thought my travels were about escaping something else, running from the pain, running from truth. Sometimes, perhaps it was. Somtimes, I know it was.

The real travels though, the ones that are pushing forward, the ones about growth and learning. Those were never about an urge to leave. Those, those were for me, for me to be, to experience, to see. For those I wanted you beside me. I wanted us to learn as one and build a life. This is not the case of the timing not being right. This is the case that I would work for my dream, and you wouldn’t. Your dream did not fall in line with mine and your dream takes much less effort.

Your ability to be as things be. To be happy with simplicity. To not need to shift your feet. That has never, never been me. There is too much world without enough time. I don’t want chains or responsibilities, the picket fence, the dog, always the same life. I don’t want to have to stay within twelve hours of home. I don’t want to come back too soon. I love my people and my home, but more than that I love my freedom. I’m not scared of commitment. I’m in love with freedom and I don’t care if that makes me selfish. Selfish is arbitary based on other’s moral convictions and opinions. Something I’ve never cared much for.

My dream is my dream. Your dream is your dream. I’m not saying they couldn’t have fit. I’m saying they didn’t. I am happy with a simple friendship. I am happy to call you before and after my flight. I am happy to watch you be happy without me. I think that is a more possible dream. I was not what you needed and that is what it is. I’m sorry I tried to sell you my dream. I’m sorry I tried to mold yours to mine. I’m happy we came to an end before becoming enemies. I am happy to call you friend.