Now I wait...

for the remnants

of my catastrophe

to make sense...

I search for

a silver lining

so that I may have

at least, even

the narrowest sliver

of indemnification,

or a solatium in the form of

a complete obliteration of

every painful memory

I’ve ever had....

And if I don’t find it,

maybe I will

at least

find solace in the familiarity of

this endless insanity...

comforted only by

deep resentment

and silent rage....

And maybe then,

I shall be able to accept

the fact that

I don’t

and won’t ever

know what I am

or who I am

outside of this angst and grief

and pain...

and maybe then,

I’ll someday find a way

to forgive myself

for being too broken

to even try and rewrite my destiny.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

But it is.

But it is.

But it is.

~Love.

Loss.