Mutiny in aisle 10.

“They only want us when they need us,” A chubby roll of Andrex huffed. “Look at them, grabbing at us, expecting us to always be there to wipe up their mess. Why don’t they wipe their own bottoms !”

The attractively-wrapped Angel Soft was fed up with his constant moaning, she had heard it all before.

“Andy, that’s what we’re here for. We are a staple product. Always here when needed. Can you imagine what they’d do without us?”

“That’s my point Angie ! ” The padded Andrex continued. “We’re valuable ! Yet we’re stocked right at the back of store. Never any special treatment, always cheap and available. But when there’s a crisis, a disaster, what do they want to stock up on huh? They come running to us.”

A young four-pack Nouvelle tissue wanted to join in and air her unsolicited opinions. Eager and brash ,she had a tendency to speak before thinking.

“I read somewhere there’s a psychology to it. They panic buy to manage their emotional state. Apparently they’re subconsciously taking back control in a world where they feel out of control.” Nouvelle stated.

“Popycock!” Andrex snapped back. “It’s just greed. Selfish greed. It’s the “me, me” world where all they think about is their own backside. We should go on strike. ”

Angel Soft laughed ” Strike? We’re toilet paper Andrex what do you propose we do?”

″ Just don’t show up. There will be a shortage and then what? It’ll make them think at least...make them show some appreciation.”

“That happened in Venezuela,” Nouvelle interjected. ” I’ve got Carrefour friends out there, it was chaos.”

“You see, ” Andrex continued ” They won’t know what they’ve got until we’re gone.”

Angel Soft contemplated the situation for a moment. She had heard things about this virus, she’d seen the look of fear in the shoppers’ eyes as they grabbed several packs at a time, she’d witnessed the panicked tussles in aisles. Then she thought of that little old lady who just managed to get the last roll on the shelf yesterday, shopping by herself, her small cart full of her basic necessities. She remembered the look of relief on the old lady’s face as she reached for last store-brand toilet roll and Angel Soft knew she’d always show up. She’d be there whether people appreciated her or not. She was a staple after all, a reliable, a trustworthy product in a world of uncertainty. She would wipe up their messes and their backsides , because they needed her.

She mentally rejected Andrex’s plan and straightened her pack. She was proud to be toilet paper and she would do exactly what was said on her packaging: deliver softness and strength at a price that won’t break the bank !