My Greatest Fear

My heart was racing as my mind was chasing after a fear I couldn’t let go of. The type of fear I wouldn’t allow anyone one to recognize because I was afraid to be done wrong. Although many might have this fear it’s not contagious. I wanted to believe that the word second chance wasn’t a scheme. I remember being terrified of falling cards filled with disappointments and regrets. I recall having a broken heart shattered into pieces as I sat there thinking about all the chances I gave others. Deciding whether or not it was worth it to even reflect thoughts around second chances since, that’s my greatest fear of all.

“Don’t fall for it, don’t look back,” I whispered to myself everytime i thought about giving a second chance. The reason I despite giving second chances is because, I don’t forget words said out of anger and I most definitely don’t forget crying myself to sleep at night. Even when I forgive, I don’t forget. This fear of mine has woken me up from a nightmare, it made me realize my worth and values and if someone was going to get hurt again it was not going to be me again. Thinking I could change my past by snapping my fingers together or blinking a couple times but, reality is fatal.

I honestly think that in this world people only come back when they think it’s the most convenient for themselves. I’m just afraid to give someone a flower and watch it frown in their hands once again. I’m scared of giving second chances and missing out on better opportunities that would’ve made my flower blossom. I don’t think I’ll ever give this fear a second chance because second chances aren't my thing it’s just a conspiracy to me.