Vile Puns of the Week

Okay, you asked for it... vile puns of the week collection is back. As a general rule of thumb, if at first you don't get it, try reading it aloud before resorting to your favorite search engine.

I used to have a soap problem, but I'm happy to say I've been clean for years.

My cousin got a job cleaning cannons at the circus but he never did it properly, so they fired him.

Did you hear about the new book on quintains? According to critics it somewhat misses the mark but is a real page-turner nonetheless.

You know, they're doing amazing things to plants these days with genetic engineering. I just heard about efforts to miniaturize certain tubular members of the squash family. The only problem was that the vegetable has lost its signature green color. Researchers were disappointed that the new plants only produced itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot zucchini.

Descartes is at a party when a waiter walks up with a tray of shrimp hors d'oevres.

"Beef, monsieur?"

"I don't think-" Descartes begins, and disappears.

Based on their description of their cuisine and the fact they serve the public, I can only assume Dairy Queen serves Fan Fare for the Common Man

Did you hear about the new Dracula revamp that came out? For such a high-stakes movie it really sucked.

What's a dentist's favorite kind of dinosaur? A flossiraptor!

Where do deer go to bathe? The fawndromat!