summer lovin’: a letter to J

I really hope that you never read this.

After all this time, I'm embarrassed that I still give you and the days we spent together a second thought. I still feel humiliated and pathetic all over again, like I'm 16 and a blushing schoolgirl. It makes me angry and sad that you have even one iota of power over me because this meant nothing to you, and it shouldn't have meant so much to me.

However, I'm a grown woman now, and I've gained just a little bit of wisdom since we last saw each other.

Thank you.

Truly, thank you for every second you spent making me melt like putty on a hot day in your (rather large) hands. It wasn't hard. I'll give you this; you truly are a magnificent kisser.

Thank you for shifting my entire world and being bad when I was too tentative to be unfaithful.

Whether you know it or not, you led me right into the arms of my soulmate, and I've been here ever since. His dreams are real. Every kiss is genuine, and he loves me just as fiercely as I love him. He is my best friend and the best thing to happen to me in my admittedly shitty life.

I'm grateful for the time we spent burning our feet and kissing with abandon in the middle of the road because when they healed, I walked down the path toward my destiny.

Thank you. I genuinely hope you have found the happiness that I've been blessed with.

-J.E.L.