Messy Scribbling #3

12/25/15

Sometimes I crave to be something different. I don't want people to view me as just another friend, or just another girl; I want people to be perplexed by me, to be something otherworldly, complex, and strange. I fear becoming "normal" to someone who used to view me as exciting, fascinating, or even mysterious.

Everyone has different sides to their personality and I fear that I only show one side. I don't want to just be "this" or just be "that". I want to be an intense mixture of everything that can sometimes be overwhelming and maybe even a little terrifying, but so exhilarating and refreshing at the same time. I want to leave a deep impression on people's hearts and minds. I want people to notice the light in my eyes... And to notice when it's not there, too.

I don't know, maybe I'm terrified that one day, the mystery of "who I am" will be gone; that what was once new, surprising, and intriguing will become commonplace... expected... familiar.

I don't like the idea of knowing someone so well to the point where your interactions become a routine. I crave spontaneity, mystery, surprises... And maybe the constant wondering of the unknown will drive me crazy... but it keeps my mind busy.

The allure of the secret person people are inside calls to me so strongly and the thought of never truly knowing someone fascinates me. People have entire worlds inside each and every one of them, and I yearn to discover the deepest parts of them. I want to know every dark crevice, feel every raw emotion, see vivid and dull colors through their eyes... I wish to experience the beauty of people's minds, to roam the universe they keep locked inside, and to feel the inspiring power they have within themselves.

I ache to have those indescribable connections with others where you feel like you're a part of something bigger.

And yet, despite all of this, I'm terrified to show who I really am.