Rainy afternoons.

I wanted to tell you

that I loved you

but instead, I settled for

daydreaming about

cosy, dark, soft afternoons

where you and I

made passionate love

as the rain poured outside...

I wanted to tell you

that I loved you

but instead, I delighted

in silently watching you smile,

memorizing every curve

of those lips that I crave to kiss....

I wanted to tell you

that I loved you

but instead, I watched, helplessly

as you grew tired and got distant...

I watched myself offer my heart, my soul

once again, for love...

I do not know what filled me up more,

self pity at my need for you

or self hatred for never having learnt how to love myself first...

But now I know it’s left me emptier still

destroying what I had rebuilt

to the very core...

I want to tell you

that I love you

but instead, I watch, defeated

as you become a fast fading memory,

a long forgotten daydream...

I want to tell you

that I love you

but you’re not here.

You’re not here.

You’re not here.

-I miss who I used to be, before all of this.

-I can feel you’ve drifted apart and gone away, even though you’re right here with me.

-Love is not enough. But it is all I know. And all I can do.

~Love. Loss.