loss.

how could you understand

where i’ve been

and what’s happened to me?

how could you come to know

the loss i feel

at a time like this?

for years, i worked

against demons that kept me

bound to a life of pain.

a mental illness.

a physical ailment.

a mother’s manipulation.

a father’s curious hands.

for years, i sought after roses

and white dresses,

caps and gowns,

a grand exit from this hell

and a grand entrance into greatness.

how could you know

what it’s like to lose that?

how could you know

what it’s like to lose a summer

of cheap wine and scratchy blankets

watching fireworks

with your friends...

how could you know

what it’s like to lose a safehaven,

to be trapped in the walls

of an abusive home

that reeks of booze

and unclean bodies...

how could you know

what it’s like to lose the days

that you consider the best

of your lives,

and to spend them alone

without a hand to hold,

without an end in sight,

without peace?

yeah, we’re all sad.

yeah, this fucking sucks.

but don’t diminish my pain

just because you don’t understand it.

not all of us experience the loss

of the days

that make life worth living.

how could you know?