Spring is hard for me

The smell of the fresh life blooming around me reminds me of an innocence I’ve lost.

The budding grass mocks me with its youth as I inhale the summer sun.

The fresh tulips smile at me as I pass, their grins tease me with a happiness unknown.

I don’t know how to fit in this world,

a world of new beginnings and new chances.

The robins nesting look down on me as I sullenly walk by them.

Baby birds chirping with a purity I find myself yearning for and an optimism I’ve long forgotten.

I forget and it settles,

then a passing stranger reminds me of you and my breath catches in my throat.

I forget to breathe as I remember,

you.

and what you took from me.

My breath grows my shallow and my mind blurry.

Until I forget again,

and I breathe once more.

The bluebirds nesting in the oak tree downtown sing me a melancholy tune as I turn the corner.

The worm, laying on the sidewalk crack helplessly looking for a savior that will not come, smiles at me.

My hope hangs in my chest like an albatross, reminding me that I will never truly be free from myself and the memories that lurk within.

As I cross the road I see a baby bird reach out its neck to be fed by a mother who loved her unconditionally,

I resent it with my entire being as a burning shame that I will never shake grows deep inside my throat.