The Most Awkward Fourth Chapter Imaginable

I awoke to the sweet strumming of a guitar, a bad smell, and Violet barfing. Dear Life, hate me less. Sincerely, Sam. I peered out of my window to see Taylor sitting on my tree playing a guitar with his name stained on the wood. He was playing "Classic" by MKTO, a song I knew well since Kevin had sang that to me before he had broken up with me. Oh memories, I want to shoot you in the face. I was tempted to say something but I got tongue-tied. Before I could try again, Taylor smiled at me and climbed back into his window. What the hell was that?

I shrugged it off, shut my curtains, and went to take a shower. I was halfway there when I saw Junie and Amber at our bathroom door, waiting on Vi to finish her after breakfast dieting plan. Not the best time either since I was wrapped up in my Mickey Mouse robe and wearing my giraffe slippers. Nothing better than looking lame in front of your sister's friends. Junie looked at me and giggled. Great. "Hi Samantha." HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO CORRECT THESE PEOPLE!!! "Nice uh... outfit." Amber giggled.

I pushed past them and banged on the bathroom door. "Violet!!! Get the hell out of the bathroom!! Mom said you had to watch Matt!"

Violet opened the door instantly. A bit of her breakfast was running down her chin and she was still holding her toothbrush. "She said what?"

I pulled her out of the bathroom and handed her the toothbrush. "There are three bathrooms. Go find a different one to throw up in."

Before Violet had even realized she'd been duped, I slammed the door in her face and locked it. I took a quick thirty minute shower and went back into my room to get dressed. Violet was gone. She and her friends were going to Junie's house to get drunk and smoke pot. (I mean, it's a small town. What do you think we do all day? Read?) Matt had left early with Mom when she left for work. Once I was dressed in my favorite Nirvana shirt (okay, it was Kevin's but it isn't like he's gonna stop me in the streets and ask for it back) and cut off shorts, I grabbed my Polaroid camera, climbed out of the window, and tight roped to the room across from me.

Chloe's room had been painted black (she would thank them) and redecorated completely. There were AC/DC posters on the walls. There was a new bed with blood red sheets and a black, beaten up pillow. There was a bookshelf with two books (naturally) and a keyboard carefully tipped onto its side and slid between the bookshelf and the wall. There were two dressers and a mirror. I jumped into the room with ultra stealth and crawled under the bed. Someone was coming. Two bare feet turned as if looking for something, pulled a plug out of the wall, and left. I only had one chance to do this. I rolled out and took one picture of a stunned girl. Fuck! I clamored out of the window and over to my room and... the window was closed. Shit, shit, shit!

The girl was coming after me. SHIT!!! I looked around for distractions. Acorns, pine cones, squirrel, bird's nest... I grabbed the squirrel and threw him at the girl. The squirrel chittered curses at me as I looked for a better way down. If the tree wasn't twenty feet in the air, I would've jumped but that wasn't even close to an option. Chloe had taken her trampoline to Sacramento with her and that was the only way I was ever jumping out of a tree. Crap, the girl was focused again. She had placed the pissed squirrel safely into the tree and started after me again. I moved backwards and stumbled on the chain of my swing. My swing!

The girl lunged at me and I rolled off of the tree bough. As soon as I was far away from her, I grabbed my swing chain and slid down to safety with only minor burns to my hands. I knew she'd follow me but I wasn't expecting her to jump out of the tree and land perfectly on her feet. She was the Terminator. I began to sprint but it was useless. I tasted dirt as soon as I had thought about running. The girl turned me over and shook me like a crazy person. "What's wrong with you!" she yelled.She also had the crazy accent like Taylor. "Why you in my room taking pictures? Who are you?"

I wanted to correct her by saying it was technically still Chloe's room, but she'd probably hit me or worse. I could tell she was tough and probably played soccer since she had jumped out of the tree and landed with such ease and precision. "I didn't know you were still in there. I'm really sorry. Please don't kill me," I begged.

The girl glared at me. "What the hell's the picture for? What are you, some type of Peeping Tessa?"

Peeping Tessa? Those Brits were weird. "No," I said hastily. "I was just trying to prove something to my friend. You see she rented her house to you guys and I had told her that it was cleaned. She couldn't believe it because her family had tried to clean it before and it hadn't worked. She wanted me to prove it so I had taken a picture when I thought you weren't there and I was going to e-mail it to her at the library."

The girl looked at me funny then released her Death Grip on my arm and stood up. I fell onto the sod where a new hole was made using my head. "You could've asked. We have tons of before and after photographs. My uncles and aunts were so surprised that they hadn't cleaned up before leaving. That's just common courtesy. We know that and we're French." The girl offered me a hand. "C'mon then. I'll get those photos and you will never enter my house that way ever again. Got it?" I nodded. "Good. C'mon."

The Nelsons had some really diligent workers because I could remember them leaving around seven o'clock. The house was furnished to the brim. The kitchen had a brand new Kenwood fridge (the kind that holds more food that the other ones) and a new stove that cooks stuff through the skillets used. The living room had a flat screen (but no cable box) and three remotes that worked it. The hall had fancy accent tables and rug on the new linoleum floor Holly had bought before they'd moved. I followed her into an office that was once a den that smelled of cigars and old liquor. The girl handed me two pictures of each room. "Your friend should be pleased with that."

"Thanks um..."

"Aubrey Lynn. It was interesting meeting you and hopefully next time it will be using the door and not my window." This is going to end up like the Furious Farter incident. At least this one is slightly less embarrassing.

"Please leave now. I'd rather not see you. You know your way to the door."

"Gee thanks." I had the pictures in my hand. Score.

Just as I was leaving, Taylor trotted downstairs. I couldn't hide before he saw me. Be cool, be cool. He saw the pictures and grinned. "Beastly, eh?"

"What?"

"That floor. It's beastly, isn't it?"

 I guess I gave him that Stupid American look because he just smiled and explained it to me. "You guys say like... nasty or disgusting. In Britain, they said beastly. You know... beasts are disgusting and filthy and so the floor."

"Oh." Recover. Recover! "That's swanky."

"Swanky... I haven't heard that one anywhere."

"It means like... swanky?"

Taylor laughed. I really wanted to hide but he held out his hand and I had no choice but to take it and go outside with him. I ended up walking to the library with Taylor because he was pretty damn distracting. He had a super cute accent and smiled a lot. Plus, said fun English phrases like "taking a piss" (which has nothing to do with pee) and "pavement pizza" (which is vomit so don't eat it.) He even opted to go in with me. Always fun since I was sure Mandy was in there chatting with Chad MacDonald although he was like twenty had a fiancée.

As soon as I walked in, I could feel the glares from everyone inside. Taylor was holding my hand and I hadn't even noticed until he started to walking and I was suddenly in line with him. I saw Mandy, flipping her blonde hair at Chad one minute and glowering at me the next. Veronica and her sister, Melanie, were both giving me those awful looks like I'd imagine those ladies in the Scarlet Letter looking. I even saw Gail looking at me funny and she's forty and raising her four grandkids! So, that was really awkward. Plus, I didn't even use those beastly pictures Aubrey had given me. I just mailed the one I'd had and left before anyone else came in to look at me funny. I had to call Chloe as soon as I got home. We had a lot to talk about.