Failure

Your stomache is filled with butterflies as you wait, until, suddenly, the butterflies drop to the bottom of your stomache, twisting themselves into a stone. Your hands start to shake slightly as you close your eyes and breathy deeply, telling yourself it will be okay.

You can feel the tears behind your eyes and the twisted feeling of empty weight in your stomache, knowing that it is not okay, that it will never be okay, because you will always fail-

No, it's okay, it's okay, I'll do better next time. You tell yourself desperatly, but you are starting to have trouble breathing.

You try to push off the troubles just as the tears start to well up in your eyes, even though the word failure echoes trough your brain for the next ten minutes at the very least.

Your body shakes slightly and someone asks if you are okay. You just smile and nod, and the person looks away, not beleiving you, but not pushing it.

For a second you wonder if you should have told them what was wrong, but your worries are so silly, and you deserved to fail. You feel like you do not deserve help. You are scared, and shaking harder now, but you just drown out your worries once again.

You are mostly fine for the day, but a little irritated and snappy (which only makes you feel more guilty). At last you finally get to your room where you can lock the door and jump onto your bed, barrying your head in your pillow and finally screaming and letting the tears out, never loud enough to be heard.

You mutter and murmur you worries, but no one comes in to ask if your okay, which is a releif since you hate lying so much. Of course, that never stops you from lying anyways.

You grab out some music, and eventaully calm down, but you will always know that you are a faulure, a nothing, a mistake.