Her Heart

He watched her in her deepest sleep. Pressing his hand to her chest, syncing his breath with hers, he closed his eyes. His hand migrated to her belly, feeling the life growing there. He drifted to the edge of sleep and memory. Their’s had been a love affair not meant to last, that he knew. He had seen it’s ending before it began. That they were even in this moment now felt like a cruel trick.  She had plans to leave and wasn’t coming back and had told him as much. They had been acquaintances and worked together. Obviously attracted, they slept together, many times in fact. It seemed less like her desire and more a form of distraction. From what he did not know. But he couldn’t help himself, as she was the most beautiful woman he had ever known. Her confidence entered a room before her, and her eyes were quite wise harboring a soul much older than her body. Once he told her he loved her and didn’t want her to leave. Immediately he felt her absence. She may have been sitting in front of him but her mind had vacated and he regretted the outburst immediately. Her heart was not with him. Sleep came painfully.

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She lay motionless on the bed, breathing deeply. As his hand moved to her chest his breath deepened and slowed. When he moved his hand to her belly their daughter gave a kick of acknowledgement. Sleep peeked around the night's corner, and her mind drifted to the past. Finding out she was pregnant had been shocking. In fact she'd been in a similar place at 22 and made a choice that caused her so much pain and anguish that she knew it was not possible twice. Now the information created a fork in the road bigger and wider than she thought she could manage. One road showed a much desired child. The other road was an invisible choice to the man lying beside her. He knew not of where her heart lay, nor of the man holding it. She had carefully orchestrated the events of her life recently in an effort to be near that man again. They loved one another, no question. She missed him, and worked diligently to satiate the emptiness with a slow steady stream of other men. She knew she would have this baby, but the cost to her heart would be great.

Calling to tell him of the pregnancy, she was met with mostly silence on the end of the line. She could practically hear their universe shift heavily around them. Their life courses were forever changed and their paths painfully, regretfully unwound. Still now seven months later her heart hurt. The man beside her she tolerated and even liked but did not love. The heaviness of his body indicated his fall towards sleep, finally. She continued to lay still, ruminating in the dark corners of her mind, breathing deeply in feigned sleep.