reaching infinity in the dark
glitch / noun
a sudden, usually temporary malfunction or fault of equipment
Light fills the room, radiating from her pores. It seems steady, in control, moving out of her in waves, ripples on the water caused by time. It seems pure, healing, with hushes of tenderness within cells. It’s not. This time it’s different. She no longer steadies the matter, it consumes her, but in a way that holds no joy. Grey smoke hisses as the blue orbs attack the nearby wall, penetrating the hard solid structure, a few bricks in the color of rust scorched by the sparks that come from the living and breathing universe, a constant reminder of cosmic dust that relentlessly glides through her veins.
Her fingers strain, shooting out another wave of energy in the form of a long beam as it rapidly curves up and implodes inwards, releasing itself in blinding light, causing the glass in the windows to tremble, an expensive china vase falling to the ground, turning itself into pieces and dust. Tiny painted flowers of blue and spring covering the ground in fragmented dreams. And as if some peculiar kind of music, mixing with the racket of a crystal carafe that shatters against polished wooded floors, its warm ruby contents reaching and staining a thick carpet in the center of the living room. A beautiful catastrophe of sounds.
She senses it all from behind closed eyelids while her muscles scream at her, exhausted from the constant exercise that she has put her body through the long morning hours. Her mind filled with issues that did not touch the material mundane ground. The light that cascaded and touched every surface around was an energy that no longer served its purpose. Once in harmony, now destructive in its raging shallow form, untamable as her core.
A frustrated moan fills the air as open palms hit the floor, the impact of it resonating through her bones, teeth grating against each other as she tries to swallow. Unsteady breaths blending with the smoke and dust that was caused by wounded hands. This compelling force, constantly playing with its host, but not in a way that she had grown used to. The essence flowing in her, not bringing the pleasure and release that she craved for, only unsatisfied echos of the vibrations that once moved so effortlessly in her heated veins. The intense glow made from her creation, now just a teasing light.
Empty rage.
Another moan disturbs the silence as she again feels the sunrays on her flushed and fragile skin, now so sensitive that even the slightest touch might make her burst into flames, into something ugly. Burning out the poor soul that would so foolishly even laid a finger on her body at that moment.
Put in silence, put it in peace.
Just like you were always taught to do.
She focuses on her breathing, allowing the once present peace to rekindle with her spirit and enter her body, the troubled mind. Caring for the force that she normally cradled as if a lost love, gently with each delicate atom that her being consisted of, while flames would erupt inside of her in pleasing, circling raptures.
Find air in between your shallow breaths.
Lungs fight her as she thinks about her past. Never before has she been faced with such restrictions. In her youngest years, the training that she was given had taken a lot out of her, yet never caused such chaos that would make the powers so out of control. She could always rely on the energy that was once consisted of suns and forgotten constellations, an essence created from so many past lives that she was only allowed to see in her dreams. The purest form of power nestled itself in the vessel that was her flesh, a body of a warrior that was supposed to bring worlds to their doom. Channeling the force that was once a whisper just before the bang.
She shakes her head in agitation, coming back to the present, eyes closed but feeling the matter that surrounded the space she was in. The mundane walls around her, the furniture that she picked herself with care, such as the long blue sofa behind her, or an antic coffee table that was now put away in the corner as she was focused on meditating, and spreading energy without any unwanted side effects. White candles long burned out by now, left forgotten on the floor by her crossed legs, arranged in a half-circle, meant to bring peace to her own flames.
Though apparently, it didn’t work, did it now?
Sarcasm spills out of her mouth like poison as there is no one to reply to her, the state of the wall the only silent testimony to a hollow question.
What have you done to me, little girl? When I brought you no harm, instead of the things I should have done, grinding your bones into dust.
The words linger in the air, a heavy weight moving somewhere in her chest, a tiresome state overpowering her for a moment until the sun once again reaches her skin. This time with more gentleness and not with fire, as the thick atmosphere still radiates from her, resembling deep layers of fog. Suddenly the stuffy air seems too much and she gets up abruptly from the floor, ignoring the ache in muscles that remained in one place for way too long.
Enough.
She stands up, bare feet stumbling a bit as she reaches the two high double windows behind the sofa, and puts the soft white curtains to the side, grabbing the handles and opening one window after another, letting the fresh in. Relief filling her entire body, muscles relaxing and lungs inhaling deeper. She feels the soft summer wind move her long creamy silk shirt that lays down loosely against the body, nothing else under the material to block the soothing touch, a pair of expensive black jeans hugging her shape perfectly.
Better, much better. Think logically again, Lilly.
The words are familiar as they were spoken by her teacher, so many years back. Even as a child she had temper problems, the blue fire in her very unsteady and so hard to tame. She loved those flames, nearly to the point of obsession, relishing in them and protesting against any discipline. Which was a contrast, because when she did not use her powers, she was poised and calm, almost to extremes, triggering those around her when her face was too still, not showing emotions that others seemed to need so desperately. But when she was still, there were no feelings to give, and when her fire did burn, there was too much of her to take in. Because of that, over the years she had to find a balance and to soothe her senses, obtaining control.
I did it then, and I will do it now.
She straightens her back and looks around the apartment, fingers unclenching and lungs filling with new air. Her steps are confident as she heads for the half-open kitchen, putting an electric kettle on.
Sorry, dear friend. My ways are more modern than yours.
A slow smile spreads on her lips as she thinks of Wren and her old-fashioned ways, and the visit that happened just one day before. Mind wandering off to the young woman that she held so close to her heart, a gentle soul which she had shared not only her energy, body but spirit alike in perfect form. When life seemed to be so much easier and focused on who she was meant to become. She sighs and opens a drawer, slowly diving her hand as if fearing to be bitten by some absurdity of a beast, pulling out a small, purple bag. The material feels so soft against her fingers but she is not fooled. What worries her is what’s inside of it; a specially combined fusion of herbs just for her.
You need to come to me more often. If not every day then at least when you feel your vibrations going off.
The words play in her mind on a constant loop. Her energy was off since this morning, many hours back, but she wanted to fight on her own. Meditating and training her energy, having the belief that she could win with anything that stood in her way. Why didn’t you just kill her? The thought comes from a darker side of her, the one that she didn’t hesitate to use, though this time it made her flinch a bit. Too many elements to take this in such a simple way. It was not her job to kill innocent creatures, even if they brought chaos into her life. But of course, that always remained one of the possibilities. She smiles for a moment or two, but then just shakes her head, shoulders rolling. Just a waste of time to ponder about this. Actions needed to be done, and not useless digressions. She looks at the little harmless bag and exhales. You need this. As she pours hot water into a white ceramic cup and steps back to the leaving room, familiar words reach her again.
But take my herbs with you.
They will calm your energy when I am not there.
I want you to be safe.
And I am grateful that you do, love. She replies silently in her thoughts and stares at the cup, sitting upright on the sofa, hands pushing into its structure as she tries to think logically, establishing some kind of plan. I need to take actions, but there are so many unknown factors in this equation. What if despite all the chaos she could still be of use to me? And if should decide to end her, will there be consequences to face? There always are, Lilly, you know that by now. Always a certain price to pay for everything.
Suddenly a ring breaks her out of the deep thoughts as she puts the cup away and goes to the phone, its sound working on her nerves, that by now seemed to resemble a strained iron cord. The phone lays on a long counter that separates the kitchen from the living room. She picks it up with force, the sound of plastic cracking slightly, filling her ears.
Yes?
We inspected her place as you asked.
According to the instructions, I presume?
Of, course. In silence and under the radar, leaving everything as it was.
Good. Did you find anything out of the ordinary?
Yes, and no.
Ramsey, I am in no mood for twenty questions, respect my time.
As always, boss. We didn’t find anything out of the ordinary that would explain her abilities or her past. But we found... mild stimulants hidden in the kitchen area.
Stimulants?
I asked in disbelieve.
To put it in official names, small amounts of medical marihuana.
Just for private self-use.
My voice is half-amused, and half dripping of heavy-layered sarcasm as I speak. My mind slowly processing the information and what it meant for me because of what I felt yesterday.
She was high.
It’s not even a question, memories and sensations from yesterday hitting me all at once, of how lightheaded I felt, and how unclear my thoughts were. How intoxicated I seemed to be. Seeing every speck of dust and vibrant color as if looking at pure and cosmic energy. My body reacting as if filled to the brim with peaceful tender light and sensual currents like overwhelming tides. Electric and deliciously tingly, yet soft.
Sorry, boss?
What? No, nothing, nevermind. Anything else you found?
I’m no expert, but I came across a sketch pad that had interesting things in it, but I think you would have to see for yourself. I can bring it over if you like.
No, everything must remain the same as it was, in case she would come back. We have to be careful about this situation, too many things can go wrong. I don’t need new things to worry about. Did you make the extra keys that I asked for?
Yes.
Good, bring them to me. I need to see that sketchbook.
Wouldn’t it just be simpler if I brought it or took some...
No.
I cut him off abruptly.
Do as I say.
Of course.
He hangs up, knowing the conversation has reached its end. I move back to the coffee table and pick the ceramic cup, the liquid almost cold by now. It didn’t matter, the important thing was that I needed my strength to get through all of this. I start to slowly sip the brew, tasting the rich herbs in it, feeling my nerves slowly calm down, energy buzzing again but this time on my own rules. I lift one hand and stretch out my fingers, moving them slowly. They don’t sting anymore, even though I can still see the damage that was done to my skin. My eyes close and I let myself feel it, all of it. Each cell in my body, each yearning particle, and grain of my soul, my matter. The matter of everything.
Pulse exhilarates, lungs moving with force, blood heating up as everything around me slows down. It feels different this time, energy in me not sore or rushed. There is no anger. Just love and affection, unconditional in its pure beauty for everything that exists. The palm of my hand moves outward as the light slowly moves under my skin, beginning in the chest, drifting through the veins and spreading to my arm, gliding to the wrist, and growing in my hand. I feel it. Energy moving out and forming an orb made of delicate strings and flickers of blue light. Consume me the way I crave. My eyes open wider as the energy moves out of me, growing and rising like wildfire that does not burn but sets me into flames.
The light fills the center of the room as if a sun made of fractured moons. So perfect in its crafted flaws. My hair lifts gently in the air, blue light licking its strands, taking one long breath as I inhale and my body grows still, a lost moment in time. Just a split of a second as light spreads from my hands, skin, my eyes. There is no me, no flesh, no soul, just the ever-expanding energy. It fills the entire space around me as my being shifts and spins around slowly, my feet no longer touching the ground. My hair swirls around me delicately as if an entanglement of brown and blue ribbons, fingers moving in an unknown dance. It all dances to the rhythm of the stars within my cells, to the universe’s whispered breath. You are home, you are love, you’re infinity breaking. Thoughts die out as I am suddenly left in silence, nothing exists but this.
Just this.
My mortal body moves faster and faster spinning to its own trajectory, feet shifting the air against the carpet, and then the ceiling as I seem to orbit around quiet moons and not yet reached dawns.
And then my arms spread out, stopping everything with a sharpness of a titanium blade. I glide down slowly, bare feet sinking gently into the rug, gravity returning and sounds filling my ears. The busy noise of the streets, people laughing and talking, birds trying to break through it all and somehow succeeding. My lungs move gently, as peace wraps around my soul. Thank you, Wren. For always keeping me safe. My dazed stare falls on my hands and I notice the marks and burned parts were fading away slowly. I was healing again. A smile lingers on my lips as I prepare myself for a new day to come. This time nothing would stop me, even black feathers of a delicate pure heart. Nothing.
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glitch / astronomy
a sudden change in the period of rotation of a neutron star
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Previous chapters :
1. https://theprose.com/post/214855/worlds-colliding
2. https://theprose.com/post/215912/signs
3. https://theprose.com/post/219168/the-stripes-on-a-tiger
4. https://theprose.com/post/223324/disturbance-in-the-matter
5. https://theprose.com/post/237003/leaving-marks-part-1-2
6. https://theprose.com/post/237515/leaving-marks-2
7. https://theprose.com/post/266243/cause-and-effect-part-1-2
8. https://theprose.com/post/266557/cause-and-effect-part-2
9. https://theprose.com/post/324197/rooted-grounds-and-foundations
10. https://theprose.com/post/327453/by-the-strands-that-bind-us