it’s ok. i know someday i’m gonna be with you.

The space where you used to be is empty. The other half of the bed no longer cradles your sleeping form. When I stumble into the kitchen early in the morning, it is too quiet. I miss when you stood, yawning, by the coffee machine and I would hold you in my arms and whisper, “I love you.”

I have so many memories of you. I remember when you would grab a blanket and drag me outside so we could look at the stars. I always said it was cliche, but now I miss how you would ecstatically point out constellations. Remember when you stayed up all night with me and watched all the Star Wars movies, even though you hate Star Wars? Remember when we tried to adopt a pet from the rescue, but you couldn’t decide, so you convinced me to volunteer there with you?

Remember when... all I have are remember when’s. Small memories I’ve hidden away and tucked into corners of my mind. I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. Even these words cannot reach you. I am writing to no one. To nothing.

Why? Why did you leave? Why wasn’t my love enough for you to stay? I know you were hurting and broken inside, but you didn’t have to die. I should have kept you safe. I should have been there when you-I can’t even write the words. Yesterday, I went to the bridge where you stood all alone. I looked down into the rushing river and I think I understood. I understood because my only hope is that someday, someday, I will be with you again.

Note: This was inspired by “It’s ok” by Tom Rosenthal.