Sailor Jane

When I was five years old, my mom used to think that putting me in my room, alone, was a suitable punishment for when I misbehaved. A few years before, the first time I was punished this way, I was sure it was the worst fate in the world. I would cry histarically, and spend an awful lot of my time feeling like it was the "end of the world". But soon, I got used to it. And I discovered, that my room had a lot more activities than I thought.

By the time I was 5, my favorite way to deal with emotions, was by using my imagination. When I was happy, I would imagine flowers, and beautiful fairies, floating around me , and singing, or dancing. When I was sad, a dark, rainy cloud would appear, following me around wherever I went. But oddly enough, my favorite part of my imagination, was a part I could only access when I was angry, alone, in my room. And that part was my favorite -because of Sailor Jane. I remember how rugged she looked, her face scabbed, her clothing torn and muddy, and her hair, held only barely by a messy braid ,and a pirate hat. I never talked to her, not even once. I only ever stood next to her, watching as she bravely sailed. Sailor Jane's boat was one of the best I had ever seen. It was an old fasioned wooden ship, and while we could always go downstairs to the lounging area, me and Sailor Jane always stayed on the top deck. The ship itself was relatively small, and the sails were the main thing that manuvered us in the right direction. And yet, even when we we’re moving straight ahed, and even when a different crew member offered to steer instead of her, Sailor Jane insisted that "this was where she belongs". She never left her steering wheel, not even for a moment. I think something about me admired her persistence. Sailor Jane had a rebellious look on her face, the kind someone has when he’s commited a few crimes. I knew, for example, that Sailor Jane’s boat was stolen. And I knew, that she left her family behind. But I always felt that- those were okay. She only acted like this when she needed to, in order to survive. There was something pleasant about Sailor Jane, something lovable and happy. Despite her wearines, she befriended everyone on the ship. The silly thing was- although I loved being on the ship- I never understood where it was going. Sailor Jane clearly had a destination she was heading towards, and she was always aiming for a place, or a thing....

but I never saw her destination, I would always only see the boat when it was in the middle of the sea.

I don't think that Sailor Jane had a real destination. I think she was lying to herself, believing theres a bigger reason for everything. I think that's why I liked her. I used to feel the same thing .