The Engagement

She made the mistake so many women make. She got caught up in planning for the day and forgot to plan for the life she was about to take on.

She knew she loved him. Enough time had passed. The next step seemed to be the right one. And whether she knew it or not society was pushing her in that direction too. So much focus on creating the perfect day and she got to be the star. It was hard to resist.

She had always been a high achiever and this was her biggest challenge yet. She dove into planning for the day with lists and timelines and assignments. It flew by in a blur and even she had to admit to being slightly obsessed. It was hard to resist with so many magazines and websites devoted to the topic. "Make Your Day Perfect!" screamed the headlines and so she made that her mission.

Sure there were signs along the way telling her to slow down and that nagging feeling that something was off somehow but she ignored it and plugged away because there were decisions to be made and things to coordinate. That was more fun than wondering why he was not as excited about the details ("what do you mean you don't care what color the flowers are?") and why he seemed sort of distant suddenly. She consoled herself with minutia and could always find a friend who would happily debate the choice between cake or cupcakes.

She shared all the details with anyone who would listen and even those who didn't care via social media. But what was missing from her status updates was the fear that this was all a charade. That she had somehow been cast as the unwilling star in a production number and she had no choice but to take the stage.

She wanted to feel the romance and the excitement of preparing for a new life. But what she started to feel was afraid. Afraid she was making a big mistake. That she did not really know him at all. That forever was one hell of a long time.

She tried to talk to him but she was clumsy about it and it ended in an argument. He thought she was upset because he was not taking an interest. She wondered how she could possibly make him understand without ruining it all.

So she continued. She consoled herself by thinking it would all be fine when it was over. When they returned to normal without this huge event looming over them. But at night when she could not sleep she would wonder. How can I make this commitment? How do I know it will last and what will happen if it doesn't?

By daylight she carried on. Plans fell into place and she was confident the day was going to be perfect.

She just wasn't sure the life would be too.