I Never Came Out

That’s the funny thing about doing and feeling whatever you want.

I never came out but I also didn’t keep it in.

I never talk with labels on it, and I never imply or hint at preferences.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd go out of my way not to avoid those things.

When I’m asked explicitly, I answer explicitly. That's just respectful.

I would never admit myself to immediate family though. I know them well

and it's not worth it. I don't need approval and support from there.

But if you think you can get me to drop a pronoun in ever which direction,

know that I’m looking you dead in your eyes and answering ambiguously.

I do this to normalize queerness and straightness, and to force you to play along in allyship or oust yourself in your effort to pin me.

If you wanna tell a tree how badly you need wood and how great of a carpenter you are,

it won't make the tree kneel and fall in pity.

Half the people I’ve met in my life, mostly the adults, have already made up their mind.

It seems to many that I take interest in what God must have told them I do.

Half the kids I know have sensed I'm not that simple.

And I really amn't, that's right. But in which direction does chaos go?

I masked it in humor.

I made the jokes good comedians made, I always talked like I was trying something, and I was always a gentleman. I liked who I liked, I had a boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe two maybe three. And I never filled it out on those first-day-of-school introduction cards.

That being said, everyone I was interested in them didn't have to wonder if I was interested for very long. I keep a part of my business private, but I wasn't secretive.

I wanted everyone to ask me if they wanted to know. Normalize asking it.

Too much word-of-mouth in school. It's hardly ever worth it.

And those who asked made it clear why they were asking in one of two ways:

-they swear it was curiosity and getting to know.

-they never mention or hint why they asked.

It's some tricky shit. People will go through some great lengths to extend the questions and their intentions around a finicky topic. That's why I like seeing kids do it.

They will be SO incredibly creative. They're beyond passing notes and going through mutual friends. They've got a whole internet and code language and community.

Girl in Red, Janelle Monae, iced with a steel straw- straight not curved.

Plus, it's a good time for mistakes.

They don't really have careers yet, reputations at stake, there's never money involved in this kind of stuff. When you're in high school, you have a lot of time to explore n shit.

And the earlier you learn to navigate these kinds of things and how society evolves within it, the easier living in it, teaching it, and being it is later on, later in the week.

I swing at least two ways. That's pretty safe to say. But who knows the rest? who knows

We'll see what happens tomorrow.