Numbers
I love numbers
My favorite is 21
But I doubt you know that
I love 21 so much that I buy things based on factors of 21
So 1, 3, 7, and 21
There are 21 lamps in my house
I know this because I count everything
13 stairs to get to my bedroom
4 cars parked in the driveway
127 days since you didn’t say goodbye
I know it’s 127 because it was January 6th
I do not like the number 127
Maybe it’s because it’s prime and I hate prime numbers
Almost as much as I hate reliving our conversations like a movie
Almost as much as I hate boys that tell you you’re worth something
Almost as much as I hate you
I counted the number of times you called and I didn’t pick up, one
But it was the only time that mattered
Because it was January 5th at 11:14 pm
And that was the day before you never spoke to me again
I even count the number of times your name crosses my consciousness each day
I have a new record low of twenty three
The furthest I got before my mind mentioned you was 8:15 in the morning
I started counting the bristles in my tooth brush and remembered your white teeth
Humans have thirty two teeth and all of yours were perfect
And you never missed a chance to remind me
If I counted the amount of days I spent crying over you
I’d run out of fingers and toes
I estimate it to be around 42
Have I mentioned that 42 is my third favorite number?
It has eight positive factors, 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 14, 21, and 42
Which is fun because four times two is eight
And 42 is made of four and two
And 21 plus 21 is 42
And I really love 21
And it’s been 127 days since you left without a goodbye
And I’m still not okay
Sixty three is another fun number because it’s just 7 times 9
And six plus three is nine
And six and three make 63
And why did you have to disappear from my life on the sixth?
Why not the thirty first?
I hate 31
I used to love six
2 times 3, a perfect whole number just after 5, just before 7
Now it’s just a day in January that I will never not regret
For that matter, sixteen is underrated
Sixteen freckles on the dimple of your cheek
Sixteen times our call ended because my internet was so bad
Sixteen candles you blew out as we stared the other down
Sixteen months before we went our separate ways
I like numbers
I count everything
The ringing of the phone in your hand buzzed a symphony of 1,2,3
Right before you ignored it to talk to me
Kind of like how you ignore me now
In the four hallways filled with 120 lockers each
Right before your sixth period statistics class
And I’m sorry
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough
I’m sorry that my 32 teeth will never be as perfect as yours
That my interests will never be as exciting as yours
You hate numbers
I remember in third period Spanish
When the teacher asked our favorite numbers
And I said 21
And you rolled your eyes
Because you knew I would rant about the perfect balance of seven and three
How I always go on about
How 21 times 2 is 42
21 times 3 is 63
21 times 4 is 84
84 divided by 12 is seven
Seven times three is twenty one
Twelve backwards is 21
And I’m sorry that I’m not enough
I’m sorry that you are so boring that you don’t make purchases based on numbers
That you could care less that the amount of items in your cart is 26
That when you buy food, you don’t add calories for fun
That at restaurants, you don’t count the people that come through the door
I’m sorry that I’m not normal
I’m sorry that when I see a math problem with a perfect square, I jump for joy
I’m sorry that if a tv channel is a prime number, I change it
I’m sorry that whenever I see 127, I think of you
Even though I doubt I’ve crossed your mind since January 6th
I know you’re probably tired of hearing this but
3 and 2 make 6
3 times 7 is 21
2 and 1 put together is 21
And I’ll never be good enough for you
Twenty one is my favorite number
But I’ll never be your favorite anything