Snippet of Crisis

"I've already given everything for him! Is that not enough?" He's aware that tears are already streaming down his face. The empty ache in his chest feels like it's going to swallow him whole. Michael always said he felt too deeply. For him, there was no other way to feel.

Uriel watches him with dithering concern. Emotions weren't his forté. Raphael feels a squirm in his stomach, that he should put his brother in this situation. He doesn't deserve to deal with all Raphael's 'passing fancies'. That's all that Tobias is now. Or what he should be.

And yet.

His voice hitches. His breathing is chaotic. Uriel is no longer in the room when he falls to the floor and pulls his knees to his chest. There was a million people to choose from. A million people to fall in love with. But none of them made his heart dance like the boy who always held back a smile, who argued about such trivial things, who always had a retort at the tip of his tongue, who was competitive to the bone, who could never be held back by anything. The boy who was also obstinate, dense, and indifferent. Who thought Raphael was only 'silly', because 'no one could possibly love me!'

Love. Raphael coughs, his throat scratching terribly. He has never troubled himself so deeply with the word before. Sealtiel had said that love was a choice. Raphael feels as though he did not make it.

Uriel rams through the door with a glass of water and arms full of tissue boxes. He treads nimbly across the room, planting all the items on the floor in front of Raphael, careful and quick. "Here you go. Blow your nose, and wipe... everything," he instructs in a voice gentler than usual. Raphael pulls out the soft sheets of paper and does as told.

"Here." Uriel flops down on the floor in front of him, holding out the glass. "Drink."

Raphael reaches forward, bowing his head in gratitude. The cool water relaxes his throat as it passes. He takes a inhales deeply, and his breathing calms down.

"Better?" Uriel asks.

Raphael nods. "Thank you," he says in a shaky voice, attempting a misty-eyed smile. Uriel returns it, looking more relieved than Raphael feels. They sit a while, in companionable silence as Raphael tries to let the void in his chest fade into the background. It would never fully heal, he realizes.

"So," Uriel says after a while, staring at the floor in front of him, "Do you want to know what I think?"

Raphael eyes him in invitation. Uriel meets his gaze, looking like he's holding his breath. "I've helped you with all your plans, so far," he begins slowly. "I've seen how much this matters to you. How much he matters to you. And all the time and effort you've put into this. It's inspiring, really. I don't think I've ever seen you this driven." He chuckles for a second, looking down. When he meets Raphael's eyes again, it is with a seriousness he's never seen on Uriel before.

"But if this whole affair causes you more pain than satisfaction, you have to end it. If Toby doesn't see your value, all your work, how much you care, then he's not worth it. I know you, Raph. You feel with your entire being, you love with all you've got. For all that, you deserve someone who loves you back."