III. Sickening Sweet Smiles

His smile would haunt me forever. No matter what the occassion was, his smile was earnest. Yet, there were so many layers that his smile managed to mask. I didn't realize it at first. By the time I had, it was too late. He had already ensnared me with his altruistic charms.

There's no way for me to describe him without dishonoring his memory. No words can fully capture the extent of his devotion and the gravitational charisma he held. He was far too nice for his own good and ironically, that was what started the rift between us.

We just weren't compatible, in a sense. Sure, we had a boatload of common interests and our personalities were similar. But I was way unhealthily codependent on him. I needed his constant reassurance and validation. In a way, I held him back. He gradually lost his sense of self to appeal to my senseless whims.

He inevitably went down a certain path on my behalf. Then, he got tangled into this mess and my insecurity finally began to boil over. At the same time, I knew that he would have been better off without me. It was my fault that he was led astray. And yet, I still longed for him to linger around and I don't know what came over me.

I was his downfall and he was mine. We were entwined in this hideously toxic relationship that flaunted itself in a completely different light.

His smile would never cease to haunt me but at least I could tell myself that he was doing alright in heaven.

So why was I stuck in Utopia? I wasn't holding him back anymore.

It was guilt. I didn't want to admit it but Cecil was right. I would never be at peace until this guilt would dissipate.