Tank-headed

[possibly inspired by real events]

"You need to dodge."

"I'll be fine, it's nearly dead."

"So are you. Dodge."

"No."

"You are deteriorating faster than I can heal you. Just dodge."

"I suck at it!"

"You're going to suck at surviving in a few seconds."

"I can kill it first!"

"Why can you not use the other joystick to simply move out of the way??"

"That slows down my kill time. I can handle it."

"Did you put any points into dexterity at all?"

"Of course not. I pumped it all into strength and constitution."

"This could be why you've died five times more than I have."

"I still level up. Once my stats are high enough I'll be fine."

"When you hear the word 'tank', do you not also picture a mobile armed attack unit?"

"Pretty sure your skills reset already, you wanna heal more and harp less?"

"No, I want to address the underlying player health issue here."

"Really?"

"Dodge, or I will stop healing you."

"Let me die and you'll have no one to pull aggro."

"Alas, if only I had a living, moving tank."

"Fine, we'll both die together."

"I hear I will still level up."

"Whatever."

"Indeed."

"..."

"..."

"Is there a block button? Maybe I can block."

"You're actively trying to provoke me now, right?"