Cold Side of the Bed

'When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold...'

I quickly sit up, in such a quick and swift movement, that for a moment, everything remains as a blur. I shake my head, then look around. I frown, no this can't be right, he wouldn't leave without saying anything.

Or would he?

I mean, we were just boyfriend and girlfriend - not married. We were only teenagers, irresponsible, reckless, teenagers.

Maybe he did leave, without a word, the second Dawn appeared, the second the Sun's rays started shining on everything for another day.

But would he? No, I don't think so.

I stand up, look around my room, poking in every place there is - just in case he's hiding. I search all over the bed, side tables and my room, in general, for a note that he perhaps left for me. I check my phone for any messages, missed calls.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

''Huh,'' I say to myself, slightly annoyed, while still being slightly concerned.

I leave my room and check the rest of my house, only finding the rest of my family, but not him. Not Jordan.

''Morning, have you guys seen Jordan?'' I ask my parents and older sister - not concerned that I just told them he stayed the night.

My mother and father exchange a look, something in-between surprised and proud. My sister raises her eyebrows, with a big smile and says, ''Oooh...''

I shoot her a dirty look, while deep down I was amused.

My parents both shake their heads, sister too.

I sigh, while my father advises, ''Maybe he just left, maybe he was overwhelmed? Should you really be so worried?''

''He wasn't overwhelmed, nothing happened! He came over, just to hang out and decided to sleep the night here - he has nowhere else to go.'' I say, sadly.

My mother's expression turns to shock, ''What do you mean, 'nowhere else to go'...?''

I sit down, next to my sister, and say, ''His parents passed away when he was a child, he lives with his Uncle...''

''And?'' My father asks.

''He's an alcoholic, always out, always drunk, always angry and never there.''

''Oh.'' My sister says.

My mother's face is filled with sadness, while my father asks, ''Why didn't you tell us before?''

''He made me promise not to say anything - no one else knows.'' I say, looking down.

After this, there is silence.

Painful, tiring silence.

I have breakfast, coffee, and then hug my parents and sister goodbye and leave.

I need to find him. Disappearing isn't like him.

I start at his place, walking there as it's within walking distance of my home. Once I arrive at the door, I hold my breath and knock. Once, twice, three times.

No answer.

I try the door, and it's unlocked, so I walk in - cautiously, as I'm aware that his Uncle could be here.

''Jordan?'' I call out, walking around the entire house, other than his room.

For some reason, the idea of going in his room scares me - a lot. I venture deeper in the house, to find no one. No Jordan, no Uncle.

''Jordan... come on,'' I whisper, suddenly feeling despair, fear.

I walk upstairs, where his bedroom is and stop once I reach the closed door. I take a deep breath and walk in, closing the door behind me.

''Jordan?'' I murmur, again.

I check his bed, closets and then stop when something catches my eye.

Something white, on his desk.

I approach it, and find that it's a note, a piece of paper. I pick it up, in shaking hands, and read it out loud,

''When you find this, you will know of my whereabouts, where I am. I am terribly sorry, to my Dear Eliza, for the pains and troubles. Before I left, I kissed your forehead, gently, softly, and whispered, 'You are my home, Earth, universe. I love you.' Please forgive me, and still live, for, a bit of loss comes with love - all the time. Please, live. Please, move on. Please, love me, still, after all of this. Talk of me fondly.''

When I finally understand what this is, and what this means, I drop the note as my legs buckle underneath me. I fall to the ground, and start crying, sobbing, whimpering.

My phone is suddenly buzzing in my pocket and I reach for it, body shaking. I pull out my phone and answer - still crying, ''Hello?''

''Honey. Honey... Eliza,'' My mother's voice murmurs on the other side. I can hear her voice cracking, shaking. ''It's Jordan... he- his body... was found...Golden Gate Bridge... I'm sorry...''

I drop the phone and start crying harder, worse. I'm hiccuping, sobbing.

'I kissed your forehead, gently, softly, and whispered, 'You are my home, Earth, universe. I love you.'

As the words rush through my mind, I whimper, ''Jordan-''

My voice shaking, body shuddering, heart breaking.

My eyes closed shut as I cry the hardest I've ever cried.

...

22.6.2020

**The first line is from 'The Hunger Games', by Suzanne Collins! <3**