I am afraid...

I am afraid that I will never achieve my life's purpose.. that this darkness I feel inside me will one day take over and I won't have the strength to fight it... I am afraid of this sadness I sometimes feel, that the hole in my heart will never be completely filled... I am afraid that I will never find my forever person.. I am afraid I wasted too much time, sometimes in that space between the laughter, my pain will come through and I won't be able to bear it... I am afraid that I have no one who truly understands, no one who hears my pain, no one who wants to listen to my tears... I am scared that life is passing me by and that I have truly not achieved anything with my life...I am afraid that even as I celebrate others' achievements, I am aware of my deficiencies, my lack.. I am afraid this makes me less of a good person.. I am afraid that even as I work my fingers to the bone, I still feel like I have nothing.. I am afraid of love, of putting in effort and disappearances without a word..I am afraid of hoping only to be disappointed and to feel the crushing sadness again...I am afraid that the light at the end of the tunnel is taking longer to come than I want it..